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San Antonio, TX—The nation is set to raze the Alamo in the ongoing War on Racism. Long a problematic emblem just for being in Texas, which is a known racist state, it’s recently been discovered that the building was literally used to kill people of color. Well, something like that.

Protestors have been trying to topple the Alamo with ropes, but have quickly discovered that such methods work best on obelisks and Thomas Jefferson, and probably worst on things like big buildings which have withstood sieges. Shouting “The Alamo Has Got to Go!” has also proved ineffective. Until it’s gone, however, out-of-state Antifa members report that they just can’t set up the San Antonio Autonomous Zone (SAAZ) that they’ve been wanting to try out.

George Soros has promised to have the building demolished if the protestors can’t manage it, though he says he’s been rethinking his tactic of leaving pallets of bricks everywhere, which “seem to just be making it bigger.”

Disney’s Splash Mountain will also be scrubbed from history due to its association with Song of the South, and the words “Peter” and “Pan” will be legally prohibited from being used together, after the bigot Peter led a raucously racist song about indigenous persons.

Elizabeth Warren, meanwhile, is now top of the line for VP pick for presidential candidate Joe Biden after she used her keen intellect to point out that really any building, statue, or edifice built before 2020 is somewhat complicit in systemic racism and must be removed. As a person of color herself, she’s deeply offended and hurt by the violence of such things as interstate highways, which carry the history of White terror in their very foundations.


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