Davos—Addressing the World Economic Forum, Klaus Schwab promised that the Great Reset will lead to great things.
“Gone will be the times of famine,” said Mr. Schwab. “And every 17 years we promise a food surplus—a surplus you will be required to eat!”
Though he didn’t detail what event would occur every 17 years, world leaders were nonetheless pleased that they’d solved world hunger, at least to some degree.
As they feasted on wagyu ribeyes, some billionaires did express reservations about the plans to tackle climate change. Mark Cuban complained that the slogan, “Make the Ice Sheets Great Again” came across as too deplorable, while Bill Gates said that bringing the Laurentian Ice Sheet back south could be a problem for his long-term finances.
“I’ve purchased millions of acres,” said Gates. “Climate change is an existential crisis, but I can’t have 2000 feet of ice sitting on my farmland like it’s 12,000 years ago!”
Gates, following the lead of Mark Zuckerberg, will be purchasing farm and ranchland well south of the proposed, encroaching ice sheets. Since Zuckerberg took Hawaii, Gates will be purchasing a smaller, disused island in the Caribbean, which he fondly remembers as his old stomping grounds.