Ben Shapiro to Replace Candace Owens with Barabbas
Reading Time: 2 minutes Tensions at The Daily Wire have flared recently as long-time employee Candace Owens seems to have forgotten that she works for a neocon organization.
Giant Corporation Excited to Offer New GoFundMe Healthcare Option This Open Season
Reading Time: 2 minutes With a record net profit of 43% this year, Goliath Industries, Inc. is excited to offer its 135,000 employees an affordable, new healthcare option this open season.
Calvin the Moth as He Relates to Will Provine
Reading Time: 2 minutes Yue Little grew a caterpillar into a pure, white moth, which she named Calvin. When I witness such things, imagining that somehow, through a blind process chock-full of errors, an organism arose which changes from a many-legged caterpillar into a two-winged creature of flight, is so preposterous as to be something out of a fairy tale.
Temporary Ads
Reading Time: < 1 minute My wife is pregnant and our income was recently slashed to the tune of around 150K/year, while our rent is now up to $30K/year. The price for hosting has also gone up on me by 30%. Until I find a new hosting provider or get a side job, I am going to run ads during the heavy-use season when people other than my family and friends are using bandwidth. It…
Are You a Very Interesting Form of Nothing?
Reading Time: 2 minutes The universe beginning to exist is a problem for atheism in that it indicates a creator. Multiple attempts to bypass this problem have been propounded, but my favorite is the argument that nothing exists right now. Does that sound crazy? Surely a professor at Oxford wouldn’t say that, right? I cut out this clip of the renowned chemist Dr. Peter Atkins saying just that. It’s quite the escape hatch to…
Soulless Eyes
Reading Time: < 1 minute We’ve all heard of murderers who are described as having soulless eyes. It’s a creepy thing to imagine. In the worldview of atheism though, everyone has soulless eyes, because no one has a soul.
Site Update: Gear Reviews and Ski Reviews
Reading Time: 3 minutes Starting today, I’m going to be investing time into reviewing products (like those pictured below) which have significantly impacted my enjoyment of the outdoors. If you have any ideas about items that might improve my life, please feel free to let me know.
Is the New Testament the New Testament?
Reading Time: 3 minutes Is all of the New Testament the New Testament?
The Academy’s Purpose for Drag Queen Story Hour
Reading Time: 2 minutes “Drag artists have channeled their penchant for playfully “‘reading each other to filth” into different forms of literacy, promoting storytelling as integral to queer and trans communities, as well as positioning queer and trans cultural forms as valuable components of early childhood education.”
Global Megacorp Excited Recession Will Make People Want Its Low-Paying Jobs
Reading Time: 2 minutes Lunchbreaks are being eliminated to acclimate the workforce to the coming famine.
A Very Motivational Christian Message from a Friend in Africa
Reading Time: < 1 minute My friend and mentor, Jeff, has lived in Africa for going on 4 decades. He has the most upstanding family and extended family I’ve ever met. With a message like this always coming from him, it’s no surprise.
Behold America, Lying Horribly Before Us
Reading Time: 4 minutes Americans exist in a nation of failed families. A nation which sacrifices the unborn for convenience. It’s a nation of shattered homes, and of nuclear families ripped asunder, where they even existed in the first place. A nation where commitment and lifelong together-goals are scorned and derided as superstitious relics of a bygone era.
The Obligation of Man
Reading Time: 4 minutes Stewardship is huge these days. From environmentalism to welfare, we’re bombarded with the message that we, as the virtuous people we know ourselves to be, need to focus on saving things: democracy, the planet; feelings. Companies accept diktats under the acronym “ESG,” standing for “environmental, social, and corporate governance.” You’ve got to keep that ESG score up, so accept the messaging you’re given and promulgate it. Yet often what we…
OnlyScams: Accretion of Knowledge
Reading Time: 2 minutes An old coworker once told me that he was spending a good deal of money on a website where he could subscribe to a certain girl and watch her perform sexual acts and apparently also work on cars while naked. It was easy for me to list off the reasons I didn’t think this was healthy, moral, or financially prudent (and sure enough, his marriage fell apart). I think that…
Roller Coasters and Life
Reading Time: < 1 minute I love roller coasters and have a particular fondness for ones made by the Swiss company Bolliger & Mabillard. Through the ups and downs of the run, I’m able to have fun because much thought went into the design, and I know I’m going to be safe in the end. The ups and downs of life are also much easier for me knowing that I’m following a design made by…
Biden: People Will Regret Abortion Ban When Their Babies Starve to Death
Reading Time: < 1 minute “Look here, I don’t work for you. My family doesn’t work for you. When I swept into office, I came in to sell your children’s organs to zoos for meat, and now I’m go into people’s 401Ks at night and wrecking up the place, and there won’t be baby formula for years—arrroooo,” Biden howled. “I’d abort that baby while it still has some meat on its bones if I were you. Thank you all for being here, and may God bless you.”
Nutritionists Expect American Obesity Epidemic to Be Over by End of Biden’s 1st Term
Reading Time: 2 minutes Thanks to Biden’s steady hand at the helm, nutritionists across America expect that the country’s obesity epidemic may be entirely over by the end of Biden’s first term in office.
Man from Country with Ministry of Truth Worried Russia Will Undermine Democracy
Reading Time: 2 minutes Jacobs, a political science PhD remote working for a non-profit in Aspen, is an expert on listening to experts. In fact, he said there’s no way to be certain that you’re right if you don’t agree with them.
White House Seeking PR Expert Skilled in Policy Disasters, Nuclear War, Famine, Crack-Addict Children, & Dementia
Reading Time: 2 minutes “It’s important to be able to see the good in famine, policy disasters, chopping off a 10-year-old’s breasts for trans rights, the President’s little gaffes that almost start nuclear wars, and of course crack-addict, whore-addicted children who are just a little washed up after engaging in Ukrainian corrup–uh, business, glory to Ukraine, glory to the heroes.”
Cheetah Identifying as Human Female Dominates Women’s 400m
Reading Time: 2 minutes In the past, society was been intolerant and bigoted, but this sprint was proof that equity was coming to all women, no matter how furry and fanged they might be.
A Tale of Gimli and Boldness
Reading Time: 2 minutes “Let them come. There is still one dwarf yet in Moria who still draws breath.”
Necessary News Roundup, 5 March 2022
Reading Time: 4 minutes For too long, people have thought of the news as something designed to give them information. Wrong! News is created to tell you what to believe, sure, but most importantly, how to feel—and that’s where I come in! No ads, no hijinks, just factory-fresh news, straight from me, Lucas Necesito. So let’s get started with the past week’s events!
Taliban to Donate $30 Billion in Excess Arms, Lethal Aid to Ukraine
Reading Time: 2 minutes Meanwhile, President Biden is also sending an exorcist to check on the Ghost of Kyiv, which he described in a press conference as, “Yeah, c’mon man, it might be fighting for you now, but who knows what a ghost is thinking…gimme a break.”
Idiots in Hateful Sky-Daddy Cult Once Again Giving Free Disaster Relief to Poor People
Reading Time: 2 minutes Deranged religious cultists are once again spreading their intolerance and bigotry abroad.
White House Calls for Social Media Crackdown on Misinformation Until It Becomes Truth 6 Months Later
Reading Time: < 1 minute “This centaur is spouting off misinformation on a daily basis, and it’s time that Spotify used their status as a private company to remove him from the face of the planet. No holds barred. There are still killers for hire, and we’ll look the other way,” Psaki told reporters.