Reading Time: 2 minutes “It was over in a flash,” Kingtaker tweeted. “We didn’t have time to think. From realizing he was on the far right, by my thumb, to beheaded, it couldn’t have been more than 9 hours. Adrenaline.”
Reading Time: < 1 minute Unrelated to the unveiling, the city has also decided to abolish the entire police force.
Reading Time: 2 minutes George Soros has promised to have the building demolished if the protestors can’t manage it, though he says he’s been rethinking his tactic of leaving pallets of bricks everywhere, which “seem to just be making it bigger.”
Reading Time: 2 minutes History classes are being scrapped! The book is being issued across all departments to teach people how to control the present to control the past, and how to control the past to control the future.
Reading Time: < 1 minute Mark Nelson knows that there’s no God, but he’s been feverishly rooting through his copy of Black’s Law Dictionary “just in case.”
Reading Time: 2 minutes Seeking to improve his credibility and rating with all age demographics, Democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden is releasing a new book, “Ridin’ with Biden: Mastering the Art of “Unwanted” Seduction—A Guide for All Ages.”
Reading Time: < 1 minute “Thankfully, MSNBC has told us that the only deadly violence in the CHAZ is very peaceful.”
Reading Time: 2 minutes The President had no choice but to cede territory to the powerful Antifa organization.
Reading Time: 2 minutes Research scientists have discovered problematic news: while we’ve always known that systemic racism has existed, a much uglier player is in this national game—namely, ugly people themselves.
Reading Time: 2 minutes News from the Centers for Disease Control, plus a proposal for an awkward political alliance.