Reading Time: 2 minutesAll candy will have to undergo a mandatory 14-day quarantine prior to consumption, unless it is used in peaceful protests during the November 3rd evening riots, in which case it is to be considered decontaminated via moral and ethical virtue washing.
Reading Time: 2 minutes“We’ve almost beaten this disease, and by wearing your feeding bags, I’m certain that we’ll have coronavirus crushed within the next five years or so,” Governor Newsom told reporters. “Just wear your mask into the restaurant, and when your food is brought out in your nose bag, make the exchange as quickly as possible and without breathing.”
Reading Time: 2 minutes“We banned people from skating. We filled in the park with sand. We’ve done everything to stop the spread of COVID-19 at that dang thing, but just yesterday my roving helicopter patrols caught people using it as a BMX playground.”