Delta Introduces New 1st Class Seats, Best Experience for Sardines Yet!

Delta Introduces New 1st Class Seats, Best Experience for Sardines Yet!

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Atlanta, GA—Delta Air Likes has announced a new, first-class seat design on its A321neos, to the great joy of many passengers, with those who self-identify as sardines being the most jubilant. The seat has chic lines and a futuristic look, and as an added bonus, carbon emissions are reduced through the removal of all seat padding.

The seat features a hardened shell container, which gives is a futuristic look. Delta says that passengers appreciate the new shell, though they’ve had to reduce seat pitch to 25 inches in order to accommodate the new design and the increased profits. The seat will not have the ability to recline, but instead slumps backward within its confines, almost like a person depressed to see that they’ve paid such a high price to get such royal treatment.

Due to limited space, passengers above 4’10” will be asked to gate check their legs, but will be allowed to pick them up free of charge at their final destination. As an added bonus, the seat shells contain a small storage container, where first class passengers can place their dignity, if the TSA hasn’t already taken it.

Josh McHenry, a frequent flyer with the airline and committed anti-ableist, chatted with us in Atlanta’s C concourse. He noted that the seat is also politically less of a hot-potato than the previous incarnations. “Finally an air travel service that recognizes dwarves. A big step in the right direction for diversity in this country,” McHenry said, echoing the thoughts and sentiments of all politically woke, and thus morally correct, flyers in the world. Nearby, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez screeched her agreement as she attempted to retie her Velcro shoes.

Delta says that the new seats are built by 666 Star-Designs and cost the airline 30 shekels of silver each, which was a fantastic deal.

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