Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone—Following an increase in violence in the Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone (CHAZ), Doctors Without Borders has announced that it’s deploying medical staff to the newly-formed nation.
“It’s primitive and yes, even dangerous,” said Dr. Mickie Andersen of Doctors Without Borders. “But we understand how economically disadvantaged countries have their struggles. They don’t have much infrastructure, and often their populaces haven’t been afforded the opportunities to learn useful skills.”
“Well, in this case, skills such as not shooting each other and being a working part of society at large,” he added. “Thankfully, MSNBC has told us that the only deadly violence in the CHAZ/CHOP is very peaceful.”
The organization expects that the first wave of physicians will be in the most danger as they’ll be on-site before they get their body armor. Drone footage has revealed a grim scene, with 1/3 of the populace shoving seeds into the ground, sometimes between cracks in concrete, another 1/3 spray-painting any surface which isn’t yet defaced, and a last 1/3 pushing blood from the street with brooms.
In other news:
- The Seattle Mayor’s Office has quietly rebranded itself as “The Part-of-Seattle Mayor’s Office.”
- CNN is describing the CHAZ/CHOP as, “Like a festival with only a very few murders.”
- Trump Caves, Will Give Antifa City-Size Autonomous Zone at 48.281932, -122.951484
- Shock Research Finds Systemic Bias Against the Socially Awkward & Ugly
- Goodyear Tires Under Pressure to Change Name in 2020
