Akron, OH—After successfully abolishing Aunt Jemima, activists are pressuring Goodyear Tires to change its name, citing egregious tone-deafness on the part of the company. Protestors have gathered in front of the corporate headquarters and are peacefully smashing in its windows and setting it on fire.
“Really? A good year? For who, exactly? Australia doesn’t exist anymore after the fires, everyone in Sweden committed medical suicide and are now literally dead, most of the world has succumbed to the coronavirus, cops have formed into genocide-gangs, and a murder hornet swooped off with my baby,” said protest leader Lisa Larch as the International Space Station plunged in a fireball toward the earth after having been struck by a continent-killing asteroid. She then followed her statement up with, “Well my aborted fetal material, but it was mine, so that’s not cool.”
Thankfully, the asteroid mentioned above only hit and destroyed all life in Africa, where Western people don’t really care about oppression or bad news. It was a shame about those poor lions, though.
As of the time of this writing, graphics artists have fixed the problematic logo.
Special correspondent A. Jones contributed to this report.