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Nancy Pelosi, ever the skilled political operator, arrived in Wakanda today and vowed to fight for the country. She dressed in traditional garb that she found on an Etsy store after searching for, “What do African American voters wear in the places they come from?”

Pundits have been quick to point out that she avoided cultural appropriation by arriving and announcing, “This is called hashtag solidarity and I got it from a hashtag minority-run business.” She then whispered to an aide, “Am I supposed to say the little symbols out loud?”

In response, Donald Trump announced that he’s going to find the Infinity Stones so that he can “Get rid of the really, really bad half of America, they’re people that have a lot of problems. They’re doing drugs. They’re doing crime. They’re rapists. And some, I assume, are good people.”

Mr. Trump has also vowed to build a wall around “whatever border we share with those pigs, dogs, slobs, disgusting animals.” In other startling news, Trump recently announced that rather than defunding the police, he’s giving them all AT-ATs.


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