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Prison officials are dripping water on Ghislaine Maxwell every 90 seconds to make sure that she doesn’t commit suicide.

“After Jeffrey Epstein offed himself, well, we recognized that we can’t be too careful,” said one official, who asked to remain anonymous. 

While Maxwell had been prevented from committing suicide by being woken up every 15 minutes, this was determined to not be enough after two weeks of trying it. 

“She just wasn’t committing suicide enough,” another anonymous official said as he sliced at the wiring to a camera pointing at Maxwell’s cell. “We even thought about waterboarding her twice a day to help her not commit suicide.”

No one is sure why Maxwell hasn’t killed herself yet. It’s sure taking a long time. 


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