Review: The Incomparable Caille Blanc Villa—SI Swimsuit Edition

Review: The Incomparable Caille Blanc Villa—SI Swimsuit Edition

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➻ Gros Islet to Soufrière in Search of Fame


The Caille Blanc Villa had hosted Sports Illustrated in the past (see video below), and I was interested in the location for the view of the Pitons. I ended up being there in the second week of December, which they say is very dead for them, and got stunningly good rates.

The drive from the Windjammer Resort to the Caille Blanc Villa is 51 kilometers, but it’s through the mountains, so it took me about 2 hours to get there. My dumb phone had died for reasons unknown, and St. Lucia does not, as a rule, have any signs indicating road names, so you mostly just make your way as you can. I was a bit worried that I’d have a hard time finding the Villa, but heck, people managed to get around before the internet, so it couldn’t be that hard. I’m a grown man! 

I said goodbye to a porcupine fish at the Windjammer. Cthulhu eyes!

On the way down, I was of course amazed by the beauty of the Honeymoon Island, as I wound through intermittent rainstorms cascading upon verdant canopies; I saw a NO-KIDDING parrot forest and desired to stop, but I had a full docket of things to do, so I put it on the burner for the next trip.


⤷ Arrival at Caille Blanc


Caille Blanc Villa Pool Suite by Pitons
Welcome to the Caille Blanc!

Finally I was descending the hill into Soufrière from Morne Tabac, and it was impossible for me not to think, “Thank you, Lord!” upon seeing the Pitons loom into view! At the very bottom of the hill, one makes a sharp right onto a very suspicious and untamed road, which climbs steeply, narrowly, and with great pitting back into the mountains. Finally you’re up high on the cliffs! Almost to one’s new respite.

I found the Villa easily enough, and was given a code to enter. I can’t even believe just how incredible it was. Truly, I cannot convey the stunning beauty of it with words as the gates opened forth and I once again saw the Pitons. Owen Coleman, the rich architect who owns and designed the Villa, has a mind which truly understands beauty in a way that mine could never naturally discern. He realized the potential of this site and then sculpted it by hand. I’ll let his old video speak where I cannot:

When I arrived, I was the only one at the villa, and only one other couple ever wandered through, apparently for dinner. A number of fine staff came out to greet me, and they were so very nice. A man named “Yellow” took my bags, and all of my needs were seen to, including ones that I didn’t know that I had.

The layout and history of the property were explained to me, and the staff was eager to learn what my hobbies were; one was available to take me hiking to places which one won’t find on the maps, or through any company. Another learned that I like diving, and offered to take me to their private dive spot, which is down many, steep stairs, beneath the villas, inaccessible to anyone else.  (And, of course, to lug all the gear down.)

Caille Blanc Villa Pool Suite by Pitons
What an evening view.

⤑ Help! Help! I’m Being Oppre—Coddled.


I really enjoyed the staff the entire time; they made me the world’s best soup with my dinner (a spicy pumpkin) soup, were ever-present but unobtrusive, appearing like ghosts during the 5-course dinner anytime something needed “done.” As a pertinent remark, I’m a very simple man, so I felt uncomfortable at first; I’ll filter my water with a Sawyer and eat MREs and be just as happy for it, so the level of attention I was shown (things appearing beside me, my chambers being miraculously re-tided while I was swimming) wasn’t something I knew what to do with at first.

It could be that I was shown attention because I immediately tipped well (my friend TL told me to, and he’s socially smart), or because I’d communicated directly with the owners via Skype for the booking, or maybe just was a consequence of me being the only guest—I’m not sure. However, it was a real blessing, as I got to talk with everyone and learn their life stories. They were very open about how much they liked working for the Colemans, who they said paid better than others on the island, and who were more caring for the employees and their families. (Later on, I bought a custom-made glass from one of the worker’s wives, and it’s still a cherished possession!)

I had breakfast and dinner daily.

All of the features of the villa were explained—the incredible lighting systems, the bluetooth setup for playing my music and podcasts, etc. They also were willing to take me wherever I might want to go near town, or out into the woods, and were certain to know that, if I wanted a specific food, they could go shopping for it, or could take me to the markets, where they could make suggestions. They even told me to make my way to Anse Chastanet down the hill (which looks like Jurassic Park) to collect black sand, as name-dropping Mr. Coleman would grant me access—I later did that, and they were right!  Talk about a unique experience for this poor boy!  


⤑ The Pool Suite—Swimsuit Model Edition


My villa was the Pool Suite, and with no one else around, this is the best one, in my opinion. One entire wall opens up to reflect the Pitons off of the 65-foot infinity pool; all the stones are local and hand-cut. It has two, wildly comfortable beds and an open-air bathroom, plenty of power outlets and seating, and what I am certain are the best views to exist from any place on this earth.

Now that’s a nice bed!

I have rarely been blessed so much! (It has great cooling!)  The doors are all unique, and every items has been hand-picked from travels around the world. Any item in the room was probably worth considerably more than my vehicle back in America!

The pool itself—well, you’ve seen the pictures. It’s 65 feet long and has the best view in the world. Emily Ratajkowski did her swimsuit modeling here for a reason! Of course, I did it better, don’t you think?


⤑ Location


At some point, there just isn’t a reason to lavish more praise upon a place, so I’ll turn to commenting on my adventures. Soufrière has a volcano (thus the name) in which Napoleon’s wife used to bathe; it’s worth the quick drive to see the natural hot springs and the waterfalls, and entrance is very cheap. Empress Bonaparte was quite the harlot, by the way.

Below the villa is their private “oceanside,” as it’s not a beach. The snorkeling there was incredible; I’ve never been in water so clear. Given that it’s private, you’ll probably be the only person around, as I was.  Speaking of which, if you’re into night life, Soufrière isn’t going to be your cup of tea, but I’m not, as I’ve explained in my review of the entire trip. I loved the quiet whispers of wind through the trees, the strange nighttime conversations of island birds, and the hypnotic thrumming of the intermittent rain showers. 


➤ Rating


So the question I ask myself by way of summation of this review is: Do I get married at the Caille Blanc, or do I get married in Fiji? 


⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐    (5 stars)


  •   My scientific rating system. It doesn’t exactly apply to resorts, but you can get the gist.
  • Beauty. The prettiest place on earth.
  • Lodging. Gorgeous, hand-designed luxury.
  • Crowds. I was informed that the first and second week of December are the least busy times for them. I suppose it could end up with quite a few people, but I was the only person there.
  • Location. It doesn’t get better if you like beauty; if you want nightlife, go elsewhere.

With love, always,

My friendly signature.

—Lucas


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