Tag: DNC

DNC Places Hidden Trapdoor Under Bernie in Case He Gets Too Popular at Tonight’s Debate

Lucas Necessary

Reading Time: < 1 minuteNew Hampshire—Having failed to stop Bernie in Iowa, where they hired Shadow, Inc., and its subsidiary Clinton LLC, the Democratic National Committee has promised its constituents that they’re going to do better during tonight’s debate. While the debate will feature rigged questions designed to tear down the candidate, Plan is the rigged debate stage, which features a literal trapdoor under Bernie Sanders. A nearby DNC member has a kill-switch that…

“Republican Mayor Steals Iowa—Geriatric, Native American; Communist Disappointed”

Lucas Necessary

Reading Time: < 1 minuteDes Moines—With the help of an app developed by Spectre, Inc., Republicans were able to get their Trojan-horse candidate the top spot in the Iowa caucuses. While the app initially had a spotty development, it was finished just in time with the help of an elite group of coders loaned to the DNC by Vladmir Putin. Elizabeth Warren, the lone Native American candidate, was happy to receive 18% of the…

Democratic Candidates’ Q4 Fundraising Totals

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Reading Time: 3 minutesThe most up-to-date coverage of Democratic Q4 Fundraising totals, with expert analysis. Cited by 538.