San Francisco-A brave African cheetah identifying as a human female has taken the all-time record in the Women’s 400m. The stunning cheetah dashed off the starting blocks, and within 1 second was already 10 feet ahead of the next fastest girl, who obviously wasn’t giving it her all. As the cheetah blasted ahead, a rainbow was seen over the stadium, reminding everyone that love is love, and women are women.
In the past, society was intolerant and bigoted, but this sprint was proof equity was coming to all women, no matter how furry and fanged they might be. The crowd roared in excitement as the cheetah hurtled down the San Franciscan track, crossing the finish line in only a third the time of the next best woman, who really wasn’t so good after all, was she?
There was a mild kerfuffle at the end of the race as the cheetah ripped apart and consumed the runner-up, but was rudely interrupted by an heckler yelling, “That cheetah isn’t a woman, it’s got testicles!” Law enforcement quickly removed the bigot. A physician followed the handcuffed jerk and scolded him by saying, “I’m a physician and I can tell you this is very subtle. You might be a cheetah yourself. How do you know you’re not if you’ve never been tested?”
It was a good point and morally true. No one could deny it. And besides, there’s very little difference between a human female and a cheetah, not compared to say, a human female and a coconut, or cheetah and mountain.
Everyone looks forward to improving society and sports, and this was one small step in that direction.