Popular cooking competition show “Chopped” is now “chopped” after diversity, inclusivity, and equity (DIE) activists complained that it wasn’t a fair challenge.
“You can tell that it’s not a fair fight for the $10,000 cash prize,” said college fat-studies professor and activist Dr. Mazie Dunn. “There’s no equity, no equality of outcome. Every single time it’s on, the judges cancel 75% of the competitors. As a society, we must reject this white supremacist thinking.”
Dr. Dunn then held up a picture of a ballpark which showed that equality of opportunity was a scourge of the West. “It’s equality of outcome or bust,” she remarked. “Everyone deserves equality of opportunity—everyone should be allowed to compete with Tom Brady in football. But that’s not enough. They all deserve his salary, his superbowl win, you know, make it all the same in the end.”
Dr. Dunn then suggested that everyone on Chopped simply be given $10,000 to ensure that no feelings were hurt. “Humans hate competitive behavior,” she explained. “Competition really stifles creativity and ambition. In many ways, the interned Uighur Muslims in China have been gifted with the perfect society.”
Chopped is being replaced by a new cooking show where the judges simply tell each other that no one dish is better or worse than the other and refuse further comment on the merits of the dishes.