New Hampshire—Acknowledging that involvement increases investment, Bernie Sanders has slightly modified his plan to give free college to all students. His recent revision still gives free college to any American, but will require any student receiving a bachelor’s degree or higher to commit to serving two years in the humanitarian program of their choice, such as the Peace Corps or Antifa.
The plan also has stipulations meant to help out conservative students, who typically are less wealthy than their liberal counterparts, and come from downtrodden, backwater states, where they cling to their guns and religion.
Conservative students will be sent to “multi-year camps” which will feature “free, continuing education” and “agricultural opportunities.” Sanders also said that any conservative students will automatically have their families enrolled in the free camps.
David Hogg will be the Czar of the Kamps for Konservatives, which are run under the motto, “Graduate University—Learn and Grow,” or GULAG for short. The name helps emphasize that conservatives will receive even more free education while being able to practice Green New Deal co-op style farming.
Sanders says he also plans to rename the United States to the “United States Socialist Republic,” as “USSR has a nice ring to it.”