Stress can get to anyone, even House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, who was recently caught in a bizarre smash-n-grab where she ramped a Dodge truck over a curb and into a local liquor store, and was then videoed making off with a shopping cart full of wine. Confronted later that day about the event, the Speaker commented:
“Let me just say this. I take responsibility for trusting the word of the liquor store. I’ve been to this store over the years many, many, many times, so when they said, “Sure we can give you a discount if you buy 100 gallons of wine at a time,” I trusted that, and I admit that I was a little anxious to get there, and let’s face it, I haven’t driven in a very long time. But what does that make this? A setup. A Republican setup to make this look like a drunk-driving B&E involving a 2-ton truck. So I take responsibility for falling for a far-right setup. And that’s all I’m going to say on that.”
Speaker Pelosi qualified her statement with, “They have insurance, so it doesn’t count!”
Immediately afterward, Pelosi was spotted ramping a Lexus into a Jeni’s Ice Cream shop and loading it up with the frozen treat. Sadly, her dog Sloth was fatally injured during this second setup, while Gluttony and Pride were suffocated by the tubs of ice cream thrown on top of them—just more proof that alt-right hate groups will go to any lengths to terrorize citizens and public servants.
Nancy wasn’t able to hold a press conference about the second incident as she was indisposed. Unrelated to that, an aide was seen smashing a Toyota Avalon into a 7-Eleven and then running off with 5 gallons of Pedialyte in yet another setup by white-supremacist ultra-MAGA deplorables.