USA, Other Lockdown Countries Vie for What Little Remains of Sweden
The day was Saturday, August 29th, 2020. Everyone in Sweden was dead, and the USA’s Dr. Fauci was still warning that the Scandinavian country hadn’t peaked yet and had only 14 days to flatten the curve, which they wouldn’t be able to do because they weren’t social distancing, shutting down schools, or even wearing safety snorkels, but mostly just because they were dead.
“It’s a shame that they didn’t listen to me,” said Dr. Fauci in one of his cherished telecons. “Where are they all to mock me now? Dead! In the ground, fertilizing plants. By the way, make sure you practice social distancing with your plants, they can spread coronavirus you know.”
Even as Dr. Fauci’s words were fading from his Zoom briefing, lockdown countries—all having fared so much better than Sweden—were vying for control of what little remained of the desolation of the once-happy land.
“America has done the best, despite the fact that Trump got millions killed,” Congressperson Bernie Sanders told CNN’s Anderson Cooper. “We’ve had no ill effects physically or psychologically. Say, Anderson, why is the building on fire?”
The interview was cut short as angry but mostly peaceful protestors torched the building and beat the white supremacists trying to escape senseless with bricks. A Vox reporter in the throng of social justice warriors noted that as mostly-all convicted sex felons and domestic abusers, they knew how to scare people into acting the moral way. They were protesting mostly because a child abuser had been hurt while trying to murder police after curb-stomping a puppy, which was proof that all cops are in fact b******s.
Donald Trump suggested letting all Antifa and BLM members have Sweden as a free gift. The members of both organizations declined the offer, citing the fact that they wouldn’t want to loot and burn down their own places.
Great Britain has also expressed interest in owning now-empty Sweden. Epidemiologist Neil Ferguson said that it’s not worth it given that the decomposing corpses won’t be so fun to commit adultery with.
