In an unexpected turn of events, except maybe not so much at all since it’s 2020, millions of Trump voters have suddenly ceased their forever-war against former president Barack Obama. The cause of the change in attitudes is mostly unknown. CNN, MSNBC, and the New York Times have all been absolutely unable to figure out why the 44th president of the United States has suddenly surged in popularity with the backward heathens.
“The Great Unwashed, the basket full of deplorables, they’re all suddenly quoting Barack,” Hillary Clinton told reporters in a Zoom interview. “Who knows what Putin is doing now, but the fact that he’s infiltrated America with more than 60,000,000 Russian bots is disturbing. No wonder I ‘lost.'”
She cut the interview short as she was seen typing in secure, coded language on her phone, “Is Ghislain suicided yet or will I have to do this myself?” As the former Secretary of State, Clinton often uses coded messages to ensure that the meaning of her texts and emails is impossible to decipher. The follow-up message, “Shank or noose are both fine, I already told you that,” was equally cryptic.
As of 10:00am EST on the 19th, Twitter had removed Obama’s Twitter account for “routine maintenance.” When Chuck Schumer was asked about it, he responded, “Obama? Obama who? I’ve never heard that name. Ugh I hate Nazi proles.”
Former VP Biden is currently claiming that he doesn’t even remember someone named Arack Osblama and that anyone who claims they’ve been seen together is a lying, dog-faced pony soldier for saying, you know, the thing. Most health experts agree that this isn’t technically a lie anymore, though all the liberal physicians still note that he can ride a bike and that it’s fine for his helmet to stay on when he’s done, so quit asking questions.