United States—Coronavirus has now killed more people in the United States than heart disease, obesity, alcohol, vehicle accidents, gun violence, and death. And that’s got progressives worried. Very worried.
“We’ve never seen a disease like this,” said Alexis McGill Johnson, who heads Planned Parenthood. “It’s aborting people left and right, and no one ever sees it coming. For whatever reason, it’s not targeting kids and babies, either—it’s killing all the wrong people!”
McGill Johnson explained that with the number of deaths the United States is experiencing, Planned Parenthood might need to stop ripping little babies apart.
“We need a viable population,” she reiterated. “We may have to inconvenience women by not killing their children. We’re normally all for bodily autonomy—well, except for things like not wearing masks or going out to the beach, in which case we think that the government should be allowed to force your body to take the proper measures and be in the proper places.”
“I guess people are going to start calling us pro-life soon,” McGill Johnson managed to say while nearly vomiting. “Uggggh, I think I need to go take a shower.”