Bernie Sanders was seen recently updating his resume and going through his job application list, culling back the ones that he didn’t get. While still technically awaiting a call-back from his presidential application, things were looking bleak.
“Well, to be honest, this was not a system I very much liked anyway,” Sanders told a local reporter visiting his lake house. “People, it seems to me, are opposed to literacy programs and even gulags. So maybe they don’t want me! You know what I say? Your loss!”
Sanders received word that he also wouldn’t be getting the journalist job he wanted or the role of head prophet for the DNC after problematic past tweets were discovered.
“Dasvidaniya,” he sadly muttered to himself, scratching furiously away at an entry labeled “Prezident/General Secretary of the Central Committee” with his favorite, red pen.