The International Space Station—Smoke from the peaceful American protest fires can be seen from space. Astronauts have been busy taking pictures of the events so far away from their little space station, and are describing it as looking “just like freedom and justice for all.”
Most of the astronauts were pretty bummed to be stuck in space, as they heard that people at the protests were getting absolute bargains from local stores, no coupons required!
“I want to light some fires and loot for justice,” said Commander Charierre wistfully, before seeming to be startled by an internal thought. “Hey, they’re not going to burn down our resupply launch pad, are they?”
In a show of solidarity with the oppressed African Americans of the nation, white Antifa members have been absolutely ransacking Portland, to teach all the bad people what true morality looks like. “Peace is not the absence of war—it is a virtue, a state of mind; a disposition for benevolence, confidence; justice,” said an anonymous Antifa member while beating an 81-year old woman in a wheelchair with a bat and taking her purse. Nearby. a black man begged him to stop, not realizing how much oppression the noble, white Antifa man was freeing him from.
CNN has suspended its operations while they try to figure out why their Frankenriot monster is attacking them.
- Granny’s gotta knife!
- Never before have Americans been so united.
- Noble warriors against the machine.
- New like old: a man celebrates how the LA protests improved his life.