Reading Time: 2 minutes Xi had to pause to take a call from the Secretary of Education and started screaming, “No, no! No school field trip to the friendly, local bat virology lab! No more of those! You stop them!”
Reading Time: 2 minutes Chinese citizens have been ordered to stay in their houses and to wear masks, so that they don’t accidentally inhale any of the currency, which could choke and possibly kill them. When too many Chinese currency notes are inhaled, a distressing respiratory illness can occur.
Reading Time: < 1 minute President Donald Trump says that he plans on imposing high tariffs on the import of the coronavirus, stating that there’s no reason Americans shouldn’t be making the deadly pathogen at home.