If you read my post from last week, you know that I’ve really messed up my life recently. Tracking down the errors has been like a murder mystery novel where I’m the detective but also the killer, and I’m investigating myself. I’ve never felt worse in my life; not even when my fiance cheated on me. I hope that I’ll start being able to sleep again soon. In this post, I’ll address some of my malaise, which is nothing uncommon to man, as God says.
The more spiritually active I am, the better my life tends to be. I’ve had a number of girls wanting to long-distance date me recently (guess people get desperate when they’re in lockdown), and most of them were Christians. I was excited about this, because I a.) want to get married in the next year and b.) would love to be able to be more spiritually active. None of the girls I’ve talked to, despite being nominally Christian, are interested in studying with me or talking about Christian theology, living, or philosophy, which has made me sad.
In 2012, a girl was always asking my questions about the Bible! She wasn’t always the sharpest person (much as I am not), but was inquisitive and always positive. My operating initials, “BQ,” came because she requested that we discuss a daily “Bible question.” She also liked me to pray with her and her child, to go to church together, and when I was on the road, for me to Skype with her. Much of it was just chatting and flirting, but much of it was stuyding the Bible.
I let her go because I was scared of having a kid and settling down. Oh, Lucas. What an idiot!
Years later, I met another woman who was similar, to the above. I was worried about her, because she didn’t have interest in me when we first met, and I wondered if I’d be used for a certain real-world benefit that I could offer in marriage, rather than any sort of real love. This woman, however, was stunningly beautiful and had a mind that I could lose myself in for days.
I didn’t take action, and another man secured her. Oh, Lucas. What an idiot!
I’ve only ever had one girl who liked stuyding the Bible and going out in the community to serve the needs of those around us. At my age, I’m getting desperate (not really, since I’m highly selective) for that sort of person.
Recently, I got on Facebook to try and restart my old Skype/Zoom Bible study group, but all of my friends have somewhat moved on, and had no interest. I’m isolated right now, so I can’t do much about it, but I really want someone to study with.
More than that, I want a partner who will encourage me as I encourage her.
“As Unto the bow the the cord is ,― Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
So unto the man is woman;
Though she bends him, she obeys him,
Though she draws him , yet she follows:
Useless each without the other.”
It’s an increasingly post-Christian world. I might end up never having a wife, but that won’t stop me from giving my life to Christ. And it’s still important to have good, strengthening, Christian friends.
“Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.”—Ecclesiastes
I hope that I can find a woman interested in me who wants to study the Bible with me and with others. I’m not ready to let this world go to hell, not without a fight. I miss living in Montana and Wyoming, where I could be spiritually active, improving my life, and the lives of those I came into contact with.
As a final note, my job prospects have radically changed due to coronavirus, and it seems that I will now end up in Bozeman, Missoula, Kalispell, or Jackson Hole. If all goes well, I’d be able to make somewhere in the 6 figure range within 18 months from this writing, working two jobs (one as I schedule it), so I’d have more freedom and provide a stable platform on which to be a husband.
I expect that the economy is going to go into a severe recession in the coming months, so we’ll see. I’m blessed to be making the money that I am.
As always, I am here to serve you.