Trump Replaces US Space Command with Much, Much Better US Space Force

Trump Replaces US Space Command with Much, Much Better US Space Force

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Mos Eisley, D.C.—President Donald Trump has revolutionized space as of 2020. While space used to be under the purview of the U.S. Air Force Space Command, the Commander in Chief noted that “they were buffoons and total crybabies,” and had the lot of them disbanded.

Trump, pontificating to a crowd of horrified onlookers in the White House Press Briefing Room, explained “we’re going to have a bloodbath, a yuge bloodbath, because I’m going to have them culled, maybe even with scythes, which my advisers say work the best for cullings, and it’ll be—” but was cut short by a Secretary of Defense whispering in his ear.

After the furtive whispering was over, President Trump fired that SecDef and called for a new one to be brought, and also ordered a silver platter for the head of the old one. He then continued speaking, saying that he has only “the best, the very best people, maybe even ever” work for him, and so he immediately assigned all personnel from the USAF Space Command, who deserved a second chance, because he is gracious, perhaps even the most gracious man ever, to the U.S. Space Force Command, more properly just called the U.S. Space Force, or the Spacies, for short.

All members of the U.S. Space Command are now permanently detailed to the much better U.S. Space Force. Most expressed a great thrill at not being culled. All members of the Space Force have been assigned appropriate space camo, as is seen below:

A memorial service is planned for the USAF Space Command, which lived from 1985-2019. Meanwhile, the Space Force is already reporting great success, noting that space now has the least terrorists, maybe ever.

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