Woman Caught Trying to Get Coronavirus in Back Alley, Says, “My Body, My Choice!”

Woman Caught Trying to Get Coronavirus in Back Alley, Says, “My Body, My Choice!”

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Columbia, MO—Prissy Kalhmer, an obviously deranged, 25-year-old woman, and numerous other young, female friends of hers, have been caught purposefully socially closening with a man known to have active coronavirus.

Upon seeing her social closening, local woman Karen Smith immediately called authorities—by the time they arrived, Kalhmer and the others had moved into the ill man’s house. SWAT had no choice but to obliterate the front door and flashbang the premises in order to break up the illicit gathering, arresting the foolish, young ladies.

The man was also arrested for running what was being advertised on Facebook as a coronavirus speakeasy for young people without comorbidities. The government has suggested that the lockdowns will end in 2057 or maybe the year 3232, at which time these young healthy people fear that they’ll be old and unhealthy due to the coming famine and economic collapse, which progressives have correctly pointed out is the “Safe, new normal.”

Kalhmer tried to defend her right to get coronavirus (and “get over it”, as if it’s survivable) by saying, “My body, my choice!” Obviously an ignorant, misguided—well, you know—she was immediately taken into custody, where she’ll be kept with other lawbreakers. Officials pointed out that her decision with her body could kill other people, which no society like ours can tolerate. Yep, even one death is too many, especially if they’re innocent and would object to dying if they could.

Prissy was weeping as she was shoved into the concrete by the waiting squadcar (to teach her a valuable lesson), and through her tears she pathetically made the lame excuse, “But I was going to self-quarantine for 3 weeks! I just want to be able to go back to work.”

The good news is that she’ll be getting three squares a day in jail, no work required!

As of the time of this writing, the Biden campaign has called for anyone who says that they aren’t afraid of coronavirus to be shot dead, so that they know just how dangerous it is.

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