Biden Promises Female Running Mate (If Her Hair Smells Good)

Biden Promises Female Running Mate (If Her Hair Smells Good)

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Washington, DC—In what looked to be the last Democratic presidential debate, candidate Joe Biden promised to select a female running mate.

“Listen here, I do, I do, I do promise to select a female running mate,” the candidate vowed. “I can’t promise to maintain the social distancing or whatever, not necessarily. How can I know if she’s the right one if I can’t, I can’t sniff those sweet hairs? Come’ere, honey,” he told the female debate moderator while trying to grab her by the shoulders.

Biden interviewing a potential running mate.

Biden was seen asking an aide if “14 is too young, is there a constitutional limit on that?” The candidate has sworn to begin holding try-outs for the slot just as soon as his wife has left the room. He’s already made a sign which says in poorly-scrawled writing,

"NO GRANNIES, NO FATTIES, NO SHORTHAIRS. MUST SHAMPOO!"

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