Washington, DC—In what looked to be the last Democratic presidential debate, candidate Joe Biden promised to select a female running mate.
“Listen here, I do, I do, I do promise to select a female running mate,” the candidate vowed. “I can’t promise to maintain the social distancing or whatever, not necessarily. How can I know if she’s the right one if I can’t, I can’t sniff those sweet hairs? Come’ere, honey,” he told the female debate moderator while trying to grab her by the shoulders.
Biden was seen asking an aide if “14 is too young, is there a constitutional limit on that?” The candidate has sworn to begin holding try-outs for the slot just as soon as his wife has left the room. He’s already made a sign which says in poorly-scrawled writing,
"NO GRANNIES, NO FATTIES, NO SHORTHAIRS. MUST SHAMPOO!"