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White House Seeking PR Expert Skilled in Policy Disasters, Nuclear War, Famine, Crack-Addict Children, & Dementia 

biden

white house replacing jen psaki ad
White House Seeking PR Expert Skilled in Policy Disasters, Nuclear War, Famine, Crack-Addict Children, & Dementia 

White House Seeking PR Expert Skilled in Policy Disasters, Nuclear War, Famine, Crack-Addict Children, & Dementia 

Lucas Necessary

Reading Time: 2 minutes “It’s important to be able to see the good in famine, policy disasters, chopping off a 10-year-old’s breasts for trans rights, the President’s little gaffes that almost start nuclear wars, and of course crack-addict, whore-addicted children who are just a little washed up after engaging in Ukrainian corrup–uh, business, glory to Ukraine, glory to the heroes.”

Taliban to Donate $30 Billion in Excess Arms, Lethal Aid to Ukraine

Taliban to Donate $30 Billion in Excess Arms, Lethal Aid to Ukraine

Lucas Necessary

Reading Time: 2 minutesMeanwhile, President Biden is also sending an exorcist to check on the Ghost of Kyiv, which he described in a press conference as, “Yeah, c’mon man, it might be fighting for you now, but who knows what a ghost is thinking…gimme a break.”

Mayor Pete Amazon Special
Amazon’s Buttigieg Special to Feature Loving Look at How He Spent His 2-Month Vacation

Amazon’s Buttigieg Special to Feature Loving Look at How He Spent His 2-Month Vacation

Lucas Necessary

Reading Time: 2 minutesThough lambasted by far-right extremists, Mayor Pete spent most of his vacation in Acapulco, his shirt off, lovingly nursing his brand new margarita the first hour, and then several hundred thereafter. Acapulco was a great place to relax, since it was one of the few places not dealing with a supply-chain crisis, because it wasn’t in America where the person responsible for such things was absent and on vacation.

Biden Launches New Food-Shortage Initiative: Build Back Barer

Biden Launches New Food-Shortage Initiative: Build Back Barer

Lucas Necessary

Reading Time: 3 minutes“There may be no food, but you don’t see any more chunky, obese babies, do you? They’re really trimming down. Why look at the well-defined cheekbones on this little feller,” Biden said while taking a sniff of an emaciated baby’s head. 

Biden Administration Commits to Raising Only Free Range, Never-Caged Border Children

Biden Administration Commits to Raising Only Free Range, Never-Caged Border Children

Lucas Necessary

Reading Time: 2 minutesFacing blowback for policies at the border, the Biden administration has announced that it is uncaging thousands of migrant children.

Psaki on merry-go-round
Practicing: Psaki Caught Circling Back to That on New Merry-Go-Round

Practicing: Psaki Caught Circling Back to That on New Merry-Go-Round

Lucas Necessary

Reading Time: < 1 minuteWhite House press secretary Jen Psaki will finally be making good on promises to circle back to that.

joe biden nose caught in vacuum
Biden Gets Nose Caught in White House Vacuum Trying to Sniff Hair in Rollers

Biden Gets Nose Caught in White House Vacuum Trying to Sniff Hair in Rollers

Lucas Necessary

Reading Time: < 1 minuteLess than 12 hours into his tenure in the White House and President Joe Biden has suffered an adorable mishap that makes our hearts smile. While watching workers move in his items, he snagged a vacuum from a janitor and tried to sniff the hair in its rollers.

Twin Category-5 Megariots Forecast if Trump Wins

Twin Category-5 Megariots Forecast if Trump Wins

Lucas Necessary

Reading Time: 2 minutesRegardless of Biden and Harris’s landfall intensity, life-threatening highway stoppages and strong arson are likely over a large portion of the east coast, the west coast, and Chicago, as well as unsurvivable, rapidly-intensifying peaceful protests in Denver, CO and other metropolitan areas.

Trump Commits to Peaceful Transfer of Power to Himself as Forever-Ruler

Trump Commits to Peaceful Transfer of Power to Himself as Forever-Ruler

Lucas Necessary

Reading Time: 2 minutes“Good evening vassals, and I see that the failing New York Times is here, so good evening traitors and peasants, too,” President Trump said.

Biden Promises Free College in Exchange for 2 Years Public Service in Peace Corps, Antifa

Biden Promises Free College in Exchange for 2 Years Public Service in Peace Corps, Antifa

Lucas Necessary

Reading Time: 2 minutesAcknowledging that involvement increases investment, Joe Biden, running on the Harris-Biden ticket, has announced a plan to provide free college to all Americans—but there’s a catch.

joe biden sniffing kamala harris as she cries
Kamala Gently Walks Back Claim that Biden a Racist Sexual Predator

Kamala Gently Walks Back Claim that Biden a Racist Sexual Predator

Lucas Necessary

Reading Time: 2 minutesHaving just been selected to be Joe Biden’s running mate, newly-minted VP candidate Kamala Harris is being forced to walk back claims that she made last year.

Biden Transition Team to Reverse-Lock, Camouflage Exits in White House

Biden Transition Team to Reverse-Lock, Camouflage Exits in White House

Lucas Necessary

Reading Time: < 1 minuteAlready anticipating a landslide victory just like they had with Hillary Clinton, the Democrats are busy preparing for a Biden administration.

Hot New Pickup Artist Book for All Ages, “Ridin’ with Biden”

Hot New Pickup Artist Book for All Ages, “Ridin’ with Biden”

Lucas Necessary

Reading Time: 2 minutesSeeking to improve his credibility and rating with all age demographics, Democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden is releasing a new book, “Ridin’ with Biden: Mastering the Art of “Unwanted” Seduction—A Guide for All Ages.”

How to Choose Democrat or Republican: A Field Guide

How to Choose Democrat or Republican: A Field Guide

Lucas Necessary

Reading Time: < 1 minuteHere at Hiking in the Light, we believe that all choices are important, no matter how absolutely bleak they seem!

Uh-Oh, Biden: Historians Discover that CornPop Wouldn’t Have Voted for Joe, Wasn’t Black

Uh-Oh, Biden: Historians Discover that CornPop Wouldn’t Have Voted for Joe, Wasn’t Black

Lucas Necessary

Reading Time: < 1 minuteCandidate Joe Biden’s odd story about getting into a chain-fight with bad-boy pool Kraken CornPop came under fire today.

biden creepy roundtable
Biden Promises to Inspect Coronavirus Fallout in All 13 States

Biden Promises to Inspect Coronavirus Fallout in All 13 States

Lucas Necessary

Reading Time: 2 minutes“Listen up, bucko,” he angrily remarked at the camera. “Who are you and what are you staring at?” An aide was fetched to change his Zoom screen, which he had accidentally set to show his own face.

joe biden tara reade
Dems Counter Trump by Picking Only American Who Can Beat Him at Inappropriately Touching Women

Dems Counter Trump by Picking Only American Who Can Beat Him at Inappropriately Touching Women

Lucas Necessary

Reading Time: < 1 minuteAfter a grueling process of having to weed out 327,999,998 people better suited to running the most powerful nation in the world, the United States has finally narrowed the field down to the two people most likely to grab a woman by the genitals.

Biden Promises Female Running Mate (If Her Hair Smells Good)

Biden Promises Female Running Mate (If Her Hair Smells Good)

Lucas Necessary

Reading Time: < 1 minute“I can’t promise to maintain the social distancing or whatever, not necessarily. How can I know if she’s the right one if I can’t, I can’t sniff those sweet hairs? Come’ere, honey,” he told the female debate moderator while trying to grab her by the shoulders.

Dem Candidates Required to Wear Giant Bubbles to Tonight’s Debate

Dem Candidates Required to Wear Giant Bubbles to Tonight’s Debate

Lucas Necessary

Reading Time: < 1 minuteA staffer for the Biden campaign accidentally removed the child-proofing door-handle cover to his room, and the candidate has subsequently been seen wandering the debate stage in his bubble, hours in advance of the actual curtain time. It’s expected to be his strongest performance of the night.

biden dementia spanish flu
Joe Biden Tests Negative for Spanish Flu

Joe Biden Tests Negative for Spanish Flu

Lucas Necessary

Reading Time: < 1 minute“My mind is sharper than a, a, you know the thing,” Biden said in a remark in the nation’s capital. “I don’t have any brain problems, I’m fiddle as a fit.”

Market Giving Biden Flashbacks to 1929

Market Giving Biden Flashbacks to 1929

Lucas Necessary

Reading Time: < 1 minuteAt the time of this writing, Biden was seen asking an aide to short shares of Studebaker.

Physicians: Dementia Patients Should Be Supervised Around Sharp Objects; Nuclear Launch Codes

Physicians: Dementia Patients Should Be Supervised Around Sharp Objects; Nuclear Launch Codes

Lucas Necessary

Reading Time: < 1 minuteWhile he seems to have a bit of a stutter, it’s Biden’s “advanced hypermalignant superdementia” that has given the AGS some pause. James Cromwell, the head of the AGS, told reporters in a phone interview,

Nervous: Biden Says Trump Not Responding Well to Breakbone Fever Epidemic

Nervous: Biden Says Trump Not Responding Well to Breakbone Fever Epidemic

Lucas Necessary

Reading Time: < 1 minuteExiting the stage in his home state of Delaware, Mr. Biden refused to shake any hands, citing his worries about “catching the leprosy.”

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Hiking and Adventure Map (Work in Progress)

  • NOTE! Zoom in for full list. Some icons at default view contain 5+ hikes when zoomed in. I'm transcribing these hikes in my own order, but if you'd like to see one moved to the top of the review list, just let me know.


Map Symbology:

  • •Blue—Hiking plus kayaking trips
  • •Green—Day hikes; can be done as overnights.
  • •Yellow—Overnight hikes, typically 2 nights.
  • •Red—Long-duration hikes, typically 5+days.
  • •Purple—Camping, international trips; excursions.

The Site and Careers

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  • Beginner’s Backpacking Guide
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