Reading Time: 2 minutes “It’s important to be able to see the good in famine, policy disasters, chopping off a 10-year-old’s breasts for trans rights, the President’s little gaffes that almost start nuclear wars, and of course crack-addict, whore-addicted children who are just a little washed up after engaging in Ukrainian corrup–uh, business, glory to Ukraine, glory to the heroes.”
Reading Time: 2 minutes Meanwhile, President Biden is also sending an exorcist to check on the Ghost of Kyiv, which he described in a press conference as, “Yeah, c’mon man, it might be fighting for you now, but who knows what a ghost is thinking…gimme a break.”
Reading Time: 2 minutes Though lambasted by far-right extremists, Mayor Pete spent most of his vacation in Acapulco, his shirt off, lovingly nursing his brand new margarita the first hour, and then several hundred thereafter. Acapulco was a great place to relax, since it was one of the few places not dealing with a supply-chain crisis, because it wasn’t in America where the person responsible for such things was absent and on vacation.
Reading Time: 3 minutes “There may be no food, but you don’t see any more chunky, obese babies, do you? They’re really trimming down. Why look at the well-defined cheekbones on this little feller,” Biden said while taking a sniff of an emaciated baby’s head.
Reading Time: 2 minutes Facing blowback for policies at the border, the Biden administration has announced that it is uncaging thousands of migrant children.
Reading Time: < 1 minute White House press secretary Jen Psaki will finally be making good on promises to circle back to that.
Reading Time: < 1 minute Less than 12 hours into his tenure in the White House and President Joe Biden has suffered an adorable mishap that makes our hearts smile. While watching workers move in his items, he snagged a vacuum from a janitor and tried to sniff the hair in its rollers.
Reading Time: 2 minutes Regardless of Biden and Harris’s landfall intensity, life-threatening highway stoppages and strong arson are likely over a large portion of the east coast, the west coast, and Chicago, as well as unsurvivable, rapidly-intensifying peaceful protests in Denver, CO and other metropolitan areas.
Reading Time: 2 minutes “Good evening vassals, and I see that the failing New York Times is here, so good evening traitors and peasants, too,” President Trump said.
Reading Time: 2 minutes Acknowledging that involvement increases investment, Joe Biden, running on the Harris-Biden ticket, has announced a plan to provide free college to all Americans—but there’s a catch.
Reading Time: 2 minutes Having just been selected to be Joe Biden’s running mate, newly-minted VP candidate Kamala Harris is being forced to walk back claims that she made last year.
Reading Time: < 1 minute Already anticipating a landslide victory just like they had with Hillary Clinton, the Democrats are busy preparing for a Biden administration.
Reading Time: 2 minutes Seeking to improve his credibility and rating with all age demographics, Democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden is releasing a new book, “Ridin’ with Biden: Mastering the Art of “Unwanted” Seduction—A Guide for All Ages.”
Reading Time: < 1 minute Here at Hiking in the Light, we believe that all choices are important, no matter how absolutely bleak they seem!
Reading Time: < 1 minute Candidate Joe Biden’s odd story about getting into a chain-fight with bad-boy pool Kraken CornPop came under fire today.
Reading Time: 2 minutes “Listen up, bucko,” he angrily remarked at the camera. “Who are you and what are you staring at?” An aide was fetched to change his Zoom screen, which he had accidentally set to show his own face.
Reading Time: < 1 minute After a grueling process of having to weed out 327,999,998 people better suited to running the most powerful nation in the world, the United States has finally narrowed the field down to the two people most likely to grab a woman by the genitals.
Reading Time: < 1 minute “I can’t promise to maintain the social distancing or whatever, not necessarily. How can I know if she’s the right one if I can’t, I can’t sniff those sweet hairs? Come’ere, honey,” he told the female debate moderator while trying to grab her by the shoulders.
Reading Time: < 1 minute A staffer for the Biden campaign accidentally removed the child-proofing door-handle cover to his room, and the candidate has subsequently been seen wandering the debate stage in his bubble, hours in advance of the actual curtain time. It’s expected to be his strongest performance of the night.
Reading Time: < 1 minute “My mind is sharper than a, a, you know the thing,” Biden said in a remark in the nation’s capital. “I don’t have any brain problems, I’m fiddle as a fit.”
Reading Time: < 1 minute At the time of this writing, Biden was seen asking an aide to short shares of Studebaker.
Reading Time: < 1 minute While he seems to have a bit of a stutter, it’s Biden’s “advanced hypermalignant superdementia” that has given the AGS some pause. James Cromwell, the head of the AGS, told reporters in a phone interview,
Reading Time: < 1 minute Exiting the stage in his home state of Delaware, Mr. Biden refused to shake any hands, citing his worries about “catching the leprosy.”