Biden Transition Team to Reverse-Lock, Camouflage Exits in White House

Biden Transition Team to Reverse-Lock, Camouflage Exits in White House

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Washington, DC—Already anticipating a landslide victory just like they had with Hillary Clinton, the Democrats are busy preparing for a Biden administration. A presidential transition team has already been formed, staffed by political operatives, elite strategists, and numerous physicians who specialize in gerontology.

“It’s difficult to make plans this far in advance,” said Biden’s chief physician Richard Almon. “You don’t know what’s going to happen, and really most of our free time is spent treating the vice president’s advanced superaggressive hyperdementia.”

The team is already planning to have reverse-locks installed on all the doors to prevent the president from wandering off the grounds. All elevators and exits will also be wrapped with camouflage to further confuse Mr. Biden.

“They really don’t try the exits when they look like bookshelves or decorations,” Dr. Almon remarked.

In order to prevent aggression toward staffers and aides, life-size child dolls will be placed all throughout the White House. The dolls will have real, human hair for Mr. Biden to sniff, which medical personnel say seems to have a calming effect on him.

Strategists plan to hide the nuclear launch codes inside a smiling, fang-baring Hillary Clinton mannequin, which “naturally makes people keep their distance.”

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