Pandemonium broke at Hellgate Elementary’s school board meeting in Missoula, MT last night. During the public comment portion of the gathering, a beleaguered mother of three finally got her children to quiet down and approached the podium to offer her thoughts.
In an error that she blamed on “mommy-brain,” she introduced herself as Kathleen Cantor and waited to be acknowledged by the board. A long, tense silence followed in a standoff where the board looked at Mrs. Cantor, and she stared back at them, no one mouthing a single utterance.
Finally, Mx. Arman Still broke the verbal ice by tapping twice on xem own microphone and saying, “Yes, and what exactly are you?”
Mrs. Cantor, obviously confused, then replied, “What do you mean, ‘What am I?’ I’m a concerned citizen.”
The board quickly huddled together and discussed the rules of decorum for the meeting, deciding immediately to eject Mrs. Cantor for causing trauma to minoritized groups.
“Out, out!” screamed Mx. Still. “I don’t know what alien gender you are, but on this planet, we give our pronouns so that we don’t make other people uncomfortable!”
A small scuffle ensued as a group of compassionate onlookers wrestled Cantor away from the mic. Mrs. Cantor was heard claiming that she was just experiencing mommy-brain and regretted her mistake, which was a clear use of targeted, offensively-gendered language, ignoring all propriety.
After settling the other people in the meeting down, Mx. Still apologized to all 1,797 recognized genders, and to all birthing parents who might have birthing-parent brain.
The next public comment was from Mr. (intermittently Ms.) Kevin Rudall, who is genderfluid but solidifies into a concrete, new gender roughly every 3 minutes, before becoming fluid and transitioning to another gender again. His explanation of his gender brought great relief to the assembled, tolerant parents.
The school is purchasing an 4′ x 8′ sign which will read, “PRONOUNS ARE MANDATORY,” to prevent any future chaos and disorder.
Mrs. Cantor has obviously been fired from her job.