How to Choose Democrat or Republican: A Field Guide

How to Choose Democrat or Republican: A Field Guide

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Here at Hiking in the Light, we believe that all choices are important, no matter how absolutely bleak they seem! With an election coming up, our dedicated researchers have been working around the clock to figure how you can wast spend your vote wisely. We’ve been shocked to learn that there are more forms of hepatitis than there are major political parties in the United States, but in many ways, that made our job easier.

When using the attached field guide, our scientists have said that it’s important to be in the right frame of mind. Our chief research scientist, Dr. Sarah Lefor, has issued the following guidance statement:

Voting (D) or (R) in the coming election is like being a child and having to choose which of two narcissistic parents to stay with during their acrimonious divorce. Oh, and they’re both sociopaths who’ve just set the house on fire and locked you inside.

No doubt that she’s right. Dr. Lefor was therefore proud to present the handy reference guide above. Use it when picking between Republican and Democrat this November, because there’s no other option. Good luck!

*Note: Additional field research on Star-Belly Sneetches vs Sneetches Without preference was conducted by Dr. Heather Heying and Dr. Bret Weinstein. You can view it below. Their research has revealed worrying ballot errors in many states, which you can find in our article, “Worrying Ballot Errors.”


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