Atlanta, GA—The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, under guidance from the White House, is now aiming to prevent coronavirus by direct injection.
For the low, low price of only $10, you can receive your SARS-CoV-2 injection from a qualified health professional at any of thousands of nationwide injection sites being erected.
“We at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention aim to prevent this disease by giving it to you, and for only a small fee,” said CDC Director Robert Redfield. “Come on, you’re tired of lockdown, and we know you have those phat Donald Dollars. You can spare $10. What’s $10 for your freedom?”
Conservatives have jumped at the idea of not having to get dangerous vaccines, and many rushed the COVID stands, though most were disappointed and outraged that they’d have to get papers afterward to prove that they had received the inoculations.
“Can you name one other area of life where the government makes you have a paper for something?” raged Lyle Roberts of Mobile, after receiving his injection. “What’s happened to this country?”
New York has banned the injection sites in a battle with federal authorities, leading to a startling number of corona speakeasies throughout the state, where one can go to get the virus with one’s friends—it’s more expensive, though, at an average of $35 an infection, and $12 for forged papers.
The White House is using the slogan, “Get It, Get Over It, and Get Back to Work” as part of its efforts to get more people infected.
Elon Musk is reported to approve of the slogan, though he said he’s less concerned about the “Get Over It” part.