Reading Time: 2 minutes Fresh off becoming a mega-millionaire as a humble public servant, Dr. Anthony Fauci is looking for more uses for his unique set of skills. And they won’t involve tedious coronaviruses from the Far East.
Reading Time: 2 minutes “There’s nothing tastier than eating the bank account of a restaurateur who’s putting up a “PERMANENTLY CLOSED” sign,” he said with a chuckle and a smack of his lips. “Serve it up with a side of kids’ tears and you’ll have your new favorite dish.”
Reading Time: < 1 minute Writers have hinted that the DC superheroes will try to put an end to the terrible, murderous menace by masking him up with at least two masks, as their leader Dr. Science S. Fauci recommends, “but it won’t go as well as they’d hope, and only 99.6% of them will survive.”
Reading Time: < 1 minute In a massive bungle between Moderna and Microsoft, the nanochip in the new COVID vaccine is far too large to be injected safely.
Reading Time: 6 minutes It’s disappointing to see that we are back in the “media scare stories about hospitals” stage. The good news is that, just like last time, this is simply not the case. The corporate press, which I believe is the enemy of the people, either has no idea what they are saying or are seeking to mislead. Let’s look into it all. Here we have: Hospitals in Idaho, Pennsylvania, Texas overwhelmed…
Reading Time: 2 minutes “We’ve almost beaten this disease, and by wearing your feeding bags, I’m certain that we’ll have coronavirus crushed within the next five years or so,” Governor Newsom told reporters. “Just wear your mask into the restaurant, and when your food is brought out in your nose bag, make the exchange as quickly as possible and without breathing.”
Reading Time: 2 minutes The Philippines have had universal mask wear AND a strict lockdown, yet cases are surging and now exceed 6k a day. This is much worse than it looks because they barely test at all. It’s 0.27/1000 pop/day. Per capita per test, it’s over 3X the US. Let’s run through the (rough) math: 6277 cases/day. testing is 0.27 vs 2.3 in the US, so multiply by 8.51. The population is 107mm…
Reading Time: 6 minutes Notable analysis of some WHO commentary.
Reading Time: 2 minutes News from the Centers for Disease Control, plus a proposal for an awkward political alliance.
Reading Time: < 1 minute Racism has killed coronavirus. Not content to target minorities struggling to make a go of things, it’s now targeted and in fact entirely killed off the novel coronavirus. “Never in our lifetimes have we witnessed a genocide due to racism,” remarked Anderson Cooper. “Well, until now. Yes, folks, racism has killed off the entirety of the novel coronavirus. It had just arrived in America, a poor immigrant struggling to get…
Reading Time: 2 minutes In a statement, Joe Biden stated that he supports the rage that people are feeling. “Look, look, I felt that way once, I did. I hear you. I, I, I used a chain, a chain on CornPop, after telling him that I was going to, ‘Look, gonna come up there and yank you off.’ So, like I was saying, two stones with one bird here, we kill the mob and get justice for the virus.”
Reading Time: < 1 minute Realizing that teachers in face-to-face educational settings will see casualty rates in the range of 99-100%, and sometimes higher in red states, which sadly embrace the deadly disease, the Democrats have launched into action to save lives.
Reading Time: < 1 minute Mayor Bill de Blasio had told citizens that any person caught swimming would be taken right out of the water, but it was too late for one foolish local resident.
Reading Time: 2 minutes Bryan Franzel hopes that the lockdowns will end soon, as he thinks that the state shouldn’t be involved in anyone’s bedroom, and he’s really tired of the forced monogamy.
Reading Time: 2 minutes Dr. Fauci warned America of the new, invisible enemy.
Reading Time: 2 minutes Xi had to pause to take a call from the Secretary of Education and started screaming, “No, no! No school field trip to the friendly, local bat virology lab! No more of those! You stop them!”
Reading Time: < 1 minute His posting history reveals that he’s wanted boomers to die for a couple of years, but now it’s out of compassion.
Reading Time: 2 minutes The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, under guidance from the White House, is now aiming to prevent coronavirus by direct injection.
Reading Time: 4 minutes People love exciting things. The chemical secretions in the brain can be enthralling—if you love roller coasters, you know what I’m talking about. In the same way, people can enjoy something terrifying as long as they’re personally safe: wildfires, pandemics, airplane crashes, you name it. The panic of a pandemic can give you a good little jolt—boy, this is bad!
Reading Time: 2 minutes Rocketing into the sky in his Gulfstream G700 private jet, Pastor Joel Osteen of Lakewood Church began his flyover of the pandemic stricken United States.
Reading Time: 2 minutes A new study authored by British epidemiologist Neil Ferguson (OBE FMedSci) has found shocking, grim results regarding Sweden’s failure to follow strict, government-enforced lockdowns.
Reading Time: 2 minutes United States—Reeling from an economy in free-fall in much the same way that the death count isn’t, Congressional leaders have reached across the aisle to pass a bill which declares every 11th person a domestic terrorist. “We know that gatherings can be no more than 10 people, so that makes every 11th a domestic terrorist,” speaker Pelosi declared. “I certainly don’t want that 11th person showing up at my mansion…
Reading Time: 2 minutes Johns Hopkins, which has been using arcgis mapping to provide routine updates to the extent of COVID-19 exposure, said that post welcoming-ceremony data shows that Utah is now in a committed relationship with the world-destroying pathogen.
Reading Time: 2 minutes We interviewed a local, lonely man via Zoom, to see how social distancing is impacting his mental illness. Mr. Luke Han Necessary, whose last name is apparently not a joke, spoke to us at an almost unbearable length—in excess of 6 minutes.
Reading Time: 3 minutes I am committed to providing friends and scores of would-be female lovers with the epitome of quality in human interaction. Given the ever-shifting situation surrounding COVID-19, I wanted to alert you to some changes that have taken place over the last several days, as well as ones to happen in the weeks to come.