Kamala Harris, the VP-elect, is being forced to walk back claims that she made last year about Joe Biden’s history of racism and sexual predation.
“I said he was a sexual predator and proveable racist based on all of his actions and words? Really? Me? I must have meant something different,” Harris told CNN as Mr. Biden massaged her back with the firm hand of a future world leader. “No, I don’t think he’s a racist or a sexu—ow, Joe, not there, not the tongue either, go find a little kid!”
“IT WAS A DEBATE HAHAHAHAHAHA JUST LIKE I TOLD COLBERT,” she said in follow up comments, as we know that invalidates anything, as nothing said in a debate is factual or can be construed as an honest belief. “What did you expect me to be, honest? Hahaahahaha, keep kidding with me like that and I’ll lock you up and suppress the exculpatory evidence!”
An aide quickly ended her discussion with reporters by tackling her and pulling her off the dais where she was making her remarks.
“No Kamala,” he was heard muttering on a hot-mic as he wrestled her out of sight. “We already talked about this, and you can only lock up Donald Trump now! Remember, you were so excited to start jailing people who aren’t minorities for once!? What’s gotten into you?”
For his part, former VP Biden says that he’s actually a lot more interested in the racial jungle that he used to oppose now that Harris has passed the sniff test.
The physician for the president-elect and VP-elect has also unexpectedly released results that show Joe Biden testing negative for aggressive, hypermalignant-superdementia, as well as Kamala Harris testing “very negative for advanced sociopathy and total depravity.”