Practicing: Psaki Caught Circling Back to That on New Merry-Go-Round
Reading Time: < 1 minute White House press secretary Jen Psaki will finally be making good on promises to circle back to that.
Biden Gets Nose Caught in White House Vacuum Trying to Sniff Hair in Rollers
Reading Time: < 1 minute Less than 12 hours into his tenure in the White House and President Joe Biden has suffered an adorable mishap that makes our hearts smile. While watching workers move in his items, he snagged a vacuum from a janitor and tried to sniff the hair in its rollers.
Americans Select Their Victors in 46th Quarter Quell
Reading Time: 3 minutes “Look, listen here,” Democrat, former Games volunteer Bernie Sanders told reporters. “Hey you, yah schmuck! We’ve had a lot of problems in this country, ain’t got enough bread lines, no joke. If we, mark my words, do not win the Games tonight, there will be hell to pay! We must embrace Cuban-style government. Great literacy program and some of the world’s best swimmers!”
“Republican Mayor Steals Iowa—Geriatric, Native American; Communist Disappointed”
Reading Time: < 1 minute Des Moines—With the help of an app developed by Spectre, Inc., Republicans were able to get their Trojan-horse candidate the top spot in the Iowa caucuses. While the app initially had a spotty development, it was finished just in time with the help of an elite group of coders loaned to the DNC by Vladmir Putin. Elizabeth Warren, the lone Native American candidate, was happy to receive 18% of the…
Dembate: Democrats Confuse “Diversity” with Group of Fighting, White, Millionaire Septuagenarians
Reading Time: < 1 minute Des Moines, IA, Minute-by-Minute Reporting—Tonight’s debate is underway, but it appears that the Democrats have already made some sort of clerical error. The party of diversity and inclusion is currently running a group of fighting, white, millionaire septuagenarians, after having canceled all the candidates of color. A woman who eats salad with a comb and a young Republican man are also inexplicably on stage, along with a weasel-eyed billionaire. In…
Democratic Candidates’ Q4 Fundraising Totals
Reading Time: 3 minutes The most up-to-date coverage of Democratic Q4 Fundraising totals, with expert analysis. Cited by 538.