The White House—In a display of decency and leadership, President Trump isn’t grabbing women anywhere—not even by their genitals—in order to maintain proper social distancing protocols.
The American president is also curtailing his dalliances with pornstars as an extra effort to limit the spread of the disease.
“I’ve heard it’s bad, real bad,” Trump told the White House press corps. “People I know who are smart, the smartest some would say, tell me that it can kill you. Like you’d be hugely dead, 100% fatally, maybe even the most dead, even ever.”
In order to explain social-sexual distancing, he demonstrated how not to grab women using his “prized Barbie” and a figurine that he’d had made of himself, keeping them “probably 6 feet apart if you’re Asian and can do all the math conversions—I’ve heard that they’re real smart, when not making China virus.”
While typically full of bluster, the POTUS seemed nervous and was seen using one hand to restrain the other as it tried to reach and grab a nearby woman.
The President has been prepping for the Coronavirus quarantine by hoarding all of the Big Macs and fries that he can find. Yesterday, he imposed strict tariffs on the import of the “Chinese plague.”
From the audience, Bill Clinton looked visibly shaken.