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Trump stimulus check willy wonka golden ticket

Looking to get a Golden Ticket from president Trump in your stimulus check, or wondering why anyone would say such a strange thing? Well that idea used to be here, but the headline was accepted for publication on a satire site, so I’ve removed it! For more information, check this out. If you’d like to see other, goofy things I’ve thought of, you can find them here. Some of them are funny!

If you have any questions, please let me know. Thanks!


Americans Select Their Victors in 46th Quarter Quell

“Look, listen here,” Democrat, former Games volunteer Bernie Sanders told reporters. “Hey you, yah schmuck! We’ve had a lot of problems in this country, ain’t got enough bread lines, no joke. If we, mark my words, do not win the Games tonight, there will be hell to pay! We must embrace Cuban-style government. Great literacy program and some of the world’s best swimmers!”
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The Soul-Shattering Sound of Silence

It is hard to be thankful for pain when you consider all the moments you got to hold you kid and listen to her floating laugh echoing in the halls, which now ring only with the high-pitched, tinny whine that your ears pick up when there is only silence. It’s hard to be thankful for the times your mom cooked you your favorite dinner as you stand in the kitchen, now empty forever, helping load boxes of items you have to do, well, something with. It’s hard to be thankful for the pain as you tell your best friend and confidant, “I finally got rid of his toothbrush today. I guess this makes it real.”
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Pedophilia and Atheism

One of the stranger things about atheism is that pedophilia isn’t a choice under it. Why? Because the laws of cause and effect outside of the head don’t stop in the inside of the head.
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California Mandates Restaurant-Goers Wear Horse Feeding Bags

“We’ve almost beaten this disease, and by wearing your feeding bags, I’m certain that we’ll have coronavirus crushed within the next five years or so,” Governor Newsom told reporters. “Just wear your mask into the restaurant, and when your food is brought out in your nose bag, make the exchange as quickly as possible and without breathing.”
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