Following a stunning upset in which a comatose former vice-president soundly pummeled Bernie Sanders, the senator from Vermont was seen looking nervously around his campaign headquarters.
“I know, I can say, that I have made no friends. And perhaps I am somewhat to blame for that. Some people, they object to my plan to lock them up in Gulags,” Sanders told a reporter for an ABC affiliate.
“But I wonder—” he looked nervously over his shoulder as a staffer said the campaign was “still fightin’,” though the background cacophony made it sound a bit too much like “Joe Biden.” “I wonder if Joe, ol’ uncle Joe might have some bread for me.”
“Just if things don’t go well,” said Sanders, while moving his tongue over his lips, as his eyes darted hungrily at a Subway bag, though it was empty. “Do you suppose Joe, who I have always respected, will he have a bread line for me?”
The heart-attack surviving socialist then had to leave abruptly, as he had an appointment with a tattoo removal specialist, who was going to be lazing away Bernies latest art: the image of a sickle lopping off Biden’s head, with the caption, “Good riddance to kulaks and kapitalists!”