EXTROVERTS OUTRAGED: How Come Introverts Aren’t Getting Coronavirus?

EXTROVERTS OUTRAGED: How Come Introverts Aren’t Getting Coronavirus?

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Seattle, Washington—At the Extroverts West Expo (EWE) in Seattle, the Magnuson Park Building 30 was entirely filled with outraged extroverts listening to a special panel with renowned guests, such as Steven Pinker and Alec Baldwin, the latter of whom was hoping for “more people to die, if we’re being honest.” The topic:

“Does Coronavirus Unfairly Target Extroverts?”

The 12,000 attendees of the panel had their anger stoked into raging indignation upon hearing that asocial people—popularly but incorrectly labeled “antisocial”—don’t seem to be as susceptible to the novel virus for some reason.

“All the data tells us that these losers—” guest panelist Carrie Poppie said, before being momentarily cut off by a fit of coughing and wheezing, with spittle flying out of her mouth. “Excuse me. That data tells us that they just aren’t getting the virus as much as us extroverts.”

The extroverts, who have always done better at getting things, such as raises and relationships, were furious that they’re somehow better at getting a virulent contagion, too. None of those in attendance could figure out why it might be happening, though several hundred collapsed in the crowd and were unable to contribute their thoughts.

The EWE is approaching presidential candidate Joe Biden about combating the lack of equity that the virus displays; marches at college campuses are planned, with expo attendees being chief organizers.

Former vice president Biden says that combating the Spanish Flu is his top priority, and should be president Donald Trump’s, too.


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