Minneapolis, MN—Former vice president Joe Biden has canceled the rest of his speaking events for the week, citing PTSD.
“I’ll tell ya what, Jack,” he said speaking to CNN’s Anderson Cooper. “I ain’t never seen the likes of such since 1929, see! Why I might not be a real gum-shoe, but I know what’s causing this, don’t take a brainac to know. It’s that dumb Dora Donald—he’s gonna give us all Chicago overcoats with that coronavirus, ya hear? And the market knows it, lost a mighty big bunch of cabbage today!”
At the time of this writing, Biden was seen asking an aide to short shares of Studebaker.