Garnier Releases New Fauci-Line of Shampoo Exclusively Tested on Live Dogs

Garnier Releases New Fauci-Line of Shampoo Exclusively Tested on Live Dogs

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Dr. Fauci is the model for the newest line of shampoo by Garnier. The novel formulation was partially produced in the Wuhan Labs and was extensively tested on live dogs, until they were dead dogs.

“Look, I am just so honored to be a part of creating this,” Fauci said. “I’ve tried the shampoo myself, and boy was sacrificing those cute little pups worth it.”

No one is sure how letting the dogs be eaten to death by flies helped make the shampoo, but it’s not worth investigating, because Fauci said.

Fauci also said that you should go get your 19th booster shot. Have you done that yet? We can see via your digital records that you haven’t, and we are about to report you to your employer for termination.

Buy a bottle of the newest Garnier Fructis Fauci while you’re at Walgreens gettin’ that shot! Or else.


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