Reading Time: 2 minutesWe interviewed a local, lonely man via Zoom, to see how social distancing is impacting his mental illness. Mr. Luke Han Necessary, whose last name is apparently not a joke, spoke to us at an almost unbearable length—in excess of 6 minutes.
Reading Time: 3 minutesI am committed to providing friends and scores of would-be female lovers with the epitome of quality in human interaction. Given the ever-shifting situation surrounding COVID-19, I wanted to alert you to some changes that have taken place over the last several days, as well as ones to happen in the weeks to come.
Reading Time: < 1 minuteThe American president is also curtailing his dalliances with pornstars as an extra effort to limit the spread of the disease.
Reading Time: 2 minutesOffering helpful tips such as, “have a really rotten disposition,” “make dumb, awkward jokes,” and “be sure you’re physically unattractive, or even repulsive, if you can swing that,” he’s done a great deal to curb the spread of the illness.
Reading Time: < 1 minuteWe are seeing a startling rise in the number of infectious-disease specialists; they’re popping up everywhere. Your friends, your family, people who you thought weren’t at risk…one of them will probably specialize in diseases by the end of this briefing.
Reading Time: < 1 minuteThe extroverts, who have always done better at getting things, such as raises and relationships, were furious that they’re somehow better at getting a virulent contagion, too. None of those in attendance could figure out why it might be happening, though several hundred collapsed in the crowd and were unable to contribute their thoughts.
Reading Time: < 1 minutePresident Donald Trump says that he plans on imposing high tariffs on the import of the coronavirus, stating that there’s no reason Americans shouldn’t be making the deadly pathogen at home.