Washington, DC—President Trump announced today that his administatrion is taking the coronavirus outbreak seriously, and the he plans to fight off the disease using bone spurs. If it gets real bad, he’s even willing to beat it back with golf clubs.
Addressing the press corps in the White House, the POTUS reminded people that bone spurs had already protected him against one Asian threat: Vietnam. Although he couldn’t personally attend, he said that it still affected him—Agent Orange was in fact where he got the idea for his facial bronzing color.
A reporter from The New York Times attempted to criticize Trump saying, “You’ve never been in the military!” though Trump quickly shut down that argument.
“People, the do nothing Democrats, they say I have no military service, that I have never been in the military. WRONG! Of course I have been in the military, I’m the Commander in Chief!”