Upset that Donald Trump will soon have appointed a third ravenous wolf to the Supreme Court, Democrats have announced plans to combat his heinous acts by expanding the court. In fact, they’re going to add around 320,000,000 justices. Under the new plan, spearheaded by Joe Biden, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, and Nancy Pelosi, every American will become a justice on the Supreme Court.
“What better way to accomplish totalizing democracy than to give everyone a say? Everyone should be equal under the law, and now they will be. Really, in many ways, everyone will be the law,” AOC told reporters while trying to get the newest Supreme Court justice, aged just five years, to quit hitting her with his gavel.
“Gimme candy,” young justice Jerome yelled at Ocasio-Cortez. “That’s the law now! Do! Do it now!”
“Of aren’t you just full of American values,” AOC giggled as she handed him some sweets. “If enough people dislike you, they should be allowed to form some sort of mob to exert hammer-like control over you, they should really be able to take the sickle to your life, to leave some indelible marx on, well you get the point. Democracy! We are about to truly make everyone equal and—”
“From the fact that people are very different it follows that, if we treat them equally, the result must be inequality in their actual position, and that the only way to place them in an equal position would be to treat them differently!” some Nazi white supremacist of Cuban heritage screamed from the crowd, making no sense at all, and leading to the end of the address.
Democrats have reminded people that while everyone will be a Supreme Court justice, anyone who has ever voted for any candidate without a (D) beside their name on the ballot will not have actual “voting privileges,” a move aimed at allowing the people to “exert their will commiserate with their wisdom.”
Joe Biden immediately retracted any support for the plan when asked by reporters, mostly by telling them that American voters shouldn’t have a right to know what he’ll do during his imperial reign.
“Voters schmoters, what malarkey,” Biden remarked. “Look here bub, come hell or high fraud, I’m winning this darn election, or Cornpop’s your uncle! I don’t work for you, so sit down and get ready for your marching orders, sallyboy! I mean how dare you, you lying dog-faced pony so—”
Biden was then cut off by Oprah bursting out onto the stage in a dazzling laser-light display, screaming at the assembled crowd, “YOU GET A VOTE AND YOU GET A VOTE, AND YOU GET A VOTE!”