Warren Completes Gender Transition in Under Two Hours After Learning That Women Can’t Win Presidential Election

Warren Completes Gender Transition in Under Two Hours After Learning That Women Can’t Win Presidential Election

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Washington, D.C.—Presidential candidate Elizabeth Warren revealed yesterday that rival Bernie Sanders, with whom she’s been mostly cordial until recently, told her in 2018 that a woman couldn’t win the presidential race.

Today, Warren revealed that he’s actually a man. He stated that he began his transition at 8AM in the morning by not shaving, and completed it by 10AM by eating “a whole pack of bacon and 5 eggs.”

He requested that people not dead-name him, and is now running under the name “Aaren Whiz Elbert,” a nod to his genius plans. Out of respect for his tribal ancestry, he has indicated that he is more two-spirit (2S+) than transman, though “whatever wins the nomination works for me.”

Judging by leftover evidence, Mr. Elbert has not yet mastered the urinal.

One thought on “Warren Completes Gender Transition in Under Two Hours After Learning That Women Can’t Win Presidential Election

  1. Now THIS is funny! Stop it Mr. Lucas, you killing me. I just fell off my bar stool. Keep up the good articles. I love em.

Reply. *be famous* *or anonymous*

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