Reading Time: 3 minutes “There may be no food, but you don’t see any more chunky, obese babies, do you? They’re really trimming down. Why look at the well-defined cheekbones on this little feller,” Biden said while taking a sniff of an emaciated baby’s head.
Reading Time: 5 minutes My friend [redacted] told me that things might be better if we societally-engineered everyone into getting vaccinated with our current vaccines. I told him that I owed him a longer response, but I didn’t have much time back then. I will submit this (hand-done, by me) transcription of a sliver of a speech for his consideration; I chose this because it was aimed at laypeople. Whether or not he finds it persuasive is beside the point; I owed him the explanation of why I held such opinions.
Reading Time: 3 minutes Part of being “self-sufficient” is having a close network that helps you. Self-sufficient communities exist far better than self-sufficient individuals, as there’s a need for human connection, and of course on the more technical side of things, people tend to specialize and have different strengths and weaknesses. In fact, one of the most successful such societies in the United States is probably the Amish. They survive so well because they focus on…
Reading Time: < 1 minute The United States Air Force reports that the sudden withdrawal from Afghanistan has led to a significant financial loss. Pulling out so suddenly, $56 billion worth of coffee pots—49 of which were Keurig, while the remaining 175 were Mr. Coffees—were left behind, and now may be under Taliban control.
Reading Time: 2 minutes Boulder, CO—Scientists at the University of Colorado School of Geophysics have overturned a long-held world record for planetary heat here on Earth. While the record was previously held by Iran’s Lut Desert, it’s been definitively relegated into the realm of sweaty has-beens.
Reading Time: < 1 minute The creators of the sci-fi horror flick, “The Bird Box,” have announced a sequel to the acclaimed movie, but this time you’ll be able to get a good look at the monsters.
Reading Time: < 1 minute “Just let them leave?” Harris spluttered. “Like live their own lives without our control? I hate them, but we can’t do that—their land is valuable, you hicks!”
Reading Time: < 1 minute Conyers, GA—Local mother Julie Andrews is overjoyed to see what her husband gets her for Mother’s Day, and she expressed that sentiment abundantly during our interview with her.
Reading Time: 2 minutes “Out, out!” screamed Mx. Still. “I don’t know what alien gender you are, but on this planet, we give our pronouns so that we don’t make other people uncomfortable!”
Reading Time: 2 minutes Looking to prevent another unarmed insurrection where the only people killed are defenseless women, the CIA has announced that it will begin using Predator drones over the US landmass.
Reading Time: < 1 minute The data shows that the violence of white supremacy can occur even when the nearest white person is some 80 miles away.
Reading Time: < 1 minute Chopped is being replaced by a new cooking show where the judges simply tell each other that no one dish is better or worse than the other and refuse further comment on the merits of the dishes.
Reading Time: < 1 minute A local 6-year-old girl has mastered the word “impostor” and now impresses her parents with it no less than 600 times per day, at a median decibel level of 87.
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Reading Time: 2 minutes Facing blowback for policies at the border, the Biden administration has announced that it is uncaging thousands of migrant children.
Reading Time: 2 minutes They say that you shouldn’t watch how they make the sausage. Today I’m going to help you watch narrative-building in real time. Observe below:
Reading Time: 2 minutes “There’s nothing tastier than eating the bank account of a restaurateur who’s putting up a “PERMANENTLY CLOSED” sign,” he said with a chuckle and a smack of his lips. “Serve it up with a side of kids’ tears and you’ll have your new favorite dish.”
Reading Time: 2 minutes “Following the science, we were going to—Dr. that tickles, less tongue—going to just bake their heads in ovens, but the FAA said that didn’t comply with safety standards, and passenger safety is our number one priority,” the spokesperson continued as Dr. Fauci flicked him in the nose with a face-mask retention strap.
Reading Time: < 1 minute Writers have hinted that the DC superheroes will try to put an end to the terrible, murderous menace by masking him up with at least two masks, as their leader Dr. Science S. Fauci recommends, “but it won’t go as well as they’d hope, and only 99.6% of them will survive.”
Reading Time: < 1 minute White House press secretary Jen Psaki will finally be making good on promises to circle back to that.
Reading Time: 2 minutes Interesantes cosas que demuestran que casi todo lo que hemos hecho y seguimos haciendo, no solo no tiene respaldo científico sino que es CONTRARIO a la evidencia científica.
Reading Time: < 1 minute Less than 12 hours into his tenure in the White House and President Joe Biden has suffered an adorable mishap that makes our hearts smile. While watching workers move in his items, he snagged a vacuum from a janitor and tried to sniff the hair in its rollers.
Reading Time: 11 minutes Examining the telltale signs of a culture marching toward totalitarianism at breakneck speed.
Reading Time: 9 minutes A look into the history of Marxism, Nazism, and Christianity.
Be ready. Be active. Don’t lie. Serve others. Live Not by Lies.
Reading Time: < 1 minute In a massive bungle between Moderna and Microsoft, the nanochip in the new COVID vaccine is far too large to be injected safely.