Reading Time: 2 minutesIt’s important that we have not only good reasoning, but sound logic. Christians are often accused, and sometimes correctly, of being brain-drained folks who, at times, don’t even know why they believe what they believe. When that’s true, it limits our ability to influence people, and leads to a populace that is increasingly one of darkness. Logic is the fundamental rules that we apply to reasoning to “reason from A…
Reading Time: 2 minutesOut of a deep respect for the students, Yale administrators have agreed to cancel the university entirely. “Only in total silence are we truly free to speak,” said Dean of Students Karissa Star.
Reading Time: 5 minutesMiracles.
PS-They say that people don’t want to hear your opinion; they want to hear their opinion coming out of your mouth.
Reading Time: 2 minutesThe White House—President Donald Trump unveiled the new Space Force logo today, saying to the White House Press, “Today, I give to you, my supporters, and even you traitors here in the press, a brand new Space Force logo. I designed it myself, and it is totally new, totally my idea. Totally unique, totally new, maybe even the most new, perhaps even ever.” He held up a depiction of the…
Reading Time: 2 minutesWhat does it mean to love with the heart, soul, and mind? How does the mind relate to the brain? What does science teach us?
Reading Time: < 1 minutePresident Donald Trump says that he plans on imposing high tariffs on the import of the coronavirus, stating that there’s no reason Americans shouldn’t be making the deadly pathogen at home.
Reading Time: 2 minutesHost Anderson Cooper is set to deliver a fiery address tomorrow night, where he’ll point out to the 327 million morons in America—over 15 of whom watch his show—that Bernie’s gone off the rails and must be deplatformed.
Reading Time: 2 minutesIs choosing Christian mates important in child rearing?
Reading Time: 2 minutes“You dummies,” he added. “You can do what you decide to do, but you cannot decide what you will decide to do!” He quickly asked an aide if he’d used a double-double single negative-positive and if his last statement made any sense whatsoever.
Reading Time: 2 minutesHillary Clinton, the world’s most advanced, lifelike, and malevolent artificial intelligence, announced her choice of pronouns yesterday.
Reading Time: 2 minutesHillary Clinton, America’s most lifelike artificial intelligence, has opened old wounds with her one-time political foe, Bernie Sanders. In an interview with CNN’s Anderson Cooper, she said some remarkable things. “Listen, no one—” she managed to get out before her tuberculosis cough kicked in for a solid three minutes. “No one likes Bernie. He’s never accomplished anything, which makes him a clear and present danger in the White House. We…
Reading Time: 3 minutesRichmond, Virginia—A gun rights rally has concluded in Virginia, spilling only 0 buckets of blood versus the “untold millions” that CNN had predicted. In the wake of the hyper-violent protest that dressed itself up in a deceptive facade of peace, we interviewed a man in a local Starbucks, who was cowering bravely in a corner, with his Super Venti Flat White shaking in his hands too much for him to…
Reading Time: 2 minutesAs of the time of this writing, Mr. Sanders has upgraded being assimilated from “a constitutional right” to “a human right.” He also downgraded resistance from “don’t think it’ll work” to “is futile.”
Reading Time: 2 minutesMos Eisley, D.C.—President Donald Trump has revolutionized space as of 2020. While space used to be under the purview of the U.S. Air Force Space Command, the Commander in Chief noted that “they were buffoons and total crybabies,” and had the lot of them disbanded. Trump, pontificating to a crowd of horrified onlookers in the White House Press Briefing Room, explained “we’re going to have a bloodbath, a yuge bloodbath,…
Reading Time: < 1 minuteThere is no truth. You can take that to the bank.
Reading Time: 3 minutesFinally some good news in this world! In a stunning rebuke of all faiths everywhere, but especially of the really stupid ones, like Christianity, Professor Richard Dawkins has delivered a killing blow.
Reading Time: < 1 minuteSays Osteen, “No repentance needed or your money back!”
Reading Time: < 1 minuteDes Moines, IA, Minute-by-Minute Reporting—Tonight’s debate is underway, but it appears that the Democrats have already made some sort of clerical error. The party of diversity and inclusion is currently running a group of fighting, white, millionaire septuagenarians, after having canceled all the candidates of color. A woman who eats salad with a comb and a young Republican man are also inexplicably on stage, along with a weasel-eyed billionaire. In…
Reading Time: < 1 minuteHe requested that people not dead-name him, and is now running under the name “Aaren Whiz Elbert,” a nod to his genius plans. Out of respect for his tribal ancestry, he has indicated that he is more two-spirit (2S+) than transman, though “whatever wins the nomination works for me.”
Reading Time: 2 minutesWhen asked why the White House didn’t water with something more conventional, such as, say, water, Ms. Grisham rolled her eyes and snorted, “Water’s for toilets.”
Reading Time: 2 minutesWashington, D.C.—Note: This is part in a series on the Democratic Debates. We’ll check back in with Tuesday’s Carnage Coverage© tonight. Anthropologists with the Smithsonian Institute made a surprising discovery Monday as they found evidence of a massive, lost tribe of cannibals, spread across the entirety of the United States, in much the same way as a stage IV cancer. “We were reviewing some old artifacts from the 2010s, mostly…
Reading Time: 2 minutesI’m not sure that America was ready for a radical like me, calling on our country to examine whether or not we’re eating ourselves, and urging and gentle discourse. The US just isn’t ready to abandon bloodlust. Not y—” he said, but was cut short as Howard Dean went screaming by in the background.
Reading Time: < 1 minute“Mission says we have done well. That we are an effective team.” Oblivion might be my favorite movie. That might be my favorite sequence of script. When people turn and burn through relationships, time and again failing and being miserable, a couple of options are exceedingly likely: they are drawn to chaos, or they are not being effective team members. Sometimes both. I’ve been that person. Not an effective team member. Drawn…
Reading Time: < 1 minute“Southwest Airlines is successful because the company understands it’s a customer service company. It also happens to be an airline.”
—Harvey Mackay
Reading Time: 3 minutesTwo researchers, Dr. Nikolaas Tinbergen and Dr. D. Magnus, played a trick on butterflies. After figuring out which marks on female butterfly wings were most eye-catching to their mates, they created their own cardboard butterflies and painted them to look like super-females. Their wing patterns were based on the wings of normal butterflies, but with more exciting marks than would ever be found in nature. And the butterflies fell for…