Reading Time: < 1 minuteAddressing the press corps in the White House, the POTUS reminded people that bone spurs were invaluable in Vietnam. Although he couldn’t personally attend, he said that it still affected him: Agent Orange was in fact where he got the idea for his facial bronzing color.
Reading Time: < 1 minuteExiting the stage in his home state of Delaware, Mr. Biden refused to shake any hands, citing his worries about “catching the leprosy.”
Reading Time: 2 minutesDisney blatantly shoves Mulan back into the closet, and forces him to erase his clear signs of male identification so that he presents as female and marries a man. This narrative is harmful to all womxn and non-binary folx— Disney specifically targets young girls; an audience that is historically incapable of independent thought.
Reading Time: < 1 minuteAfter ending a bad night neck-and-neck with Joe Biden, Bernie Sanders found himself needing any vote he could possibly get—even Donald Trump’s!
Reading Time: < 1 minute“Just if things don’t go well,” said Sanders, while nervously licking his lips, as his eyes darted hungrily at a Subway bag, though it was empty. “Do you suppose Joe, who I have always respected, will he have a bread line for me?”
Reading Time: < 1 minuteThe website 538 says that there is a 98% chance that Donald Trump will vote for Bernie Sanders due to the ingenious move.
Reading Time: < 1 minuteAfter thoughtfully removing all of the young, colored candidates, the Democrats now have a strong field of rich, white septuagenarians, the perfect people to take on the current rich, white septuagenarian in the White House.
Reading Time: < 1 minuteMSNBC’s Rachel Maddow noted, “These people killed Americans, and now Trump’s working with them. Any person who voted for him should be shot.”
Reading Time: 2 minutesThere’s no hoax worse than heterosexuality. Well, except for claiming that there’s a ‘cis’ in ‘team.’
Reading Time: < 1 minuteKubrick says he observed that his own bosses were typically full of recommended managerial traits such as mendacity, jealousy, strife, and light-to-moderate perversion. Many of them were also about as intelligent as rutting goats.
Reading Time: 2 minutesElizabeth Warren, falling in popularity with the woke, recently took a vision quest into their hearts and minds and discovered an undeniable truth.
Reading Time: 2 minutesDue to limited space, passengers above 4’10” will be asked to gate check their legs, but will be allowed to pick them up free of charge at their final destination.
Reading Time: 2 minutesOut of a deep respect for the students, Yale administrators have agreed to cancel the university entirely. “Only in total silence are we truly free to speak,” said Dean of Students Karissa Star.
Reading Time: < 1 minutePresident Donald Trump says that he plans on imposing high tariffs on the import of the coronavirus, stating that there’s no reason Americans shouldn’t be making the deadly pathogen at home.
Reading Time: 2 minutesHost Anderson Cooper is set to deliver a fiery address tomorrow night, where he’ll point out to the 327 million morons in America—over 15 of whom watch his show—that Bernie’s gone off the rails and must be deplatformed.
Reading Time: 2 minutes“You dummies,” he added. “You can do what you decide to do, but you cannot decide what you will decide to do!” He quickly asked an aide if he’d used a double-double single negative-positive and if his last statement made any sense whatsoever.
Reading Time: 2 minutesAs of the time of this writing, Mr. Sanders has upgraded being assimilated from “a constitutional right” to “a human right.” He also downgraded resistance from “don’t think it’ll work” to “is futile.”
Reading Time: 3 minutesFinally some good news in this world! In a stunning rebuke of all faiths everywhere, but especially of the really stupid ones, like Christianity, Professor Richard Dawkins has delivered a killing blow.
Reading Time: 2 minutesSeattle, WA—Boeing Company has been under incredible pressure in the ongoing Max debacle, from having to shut down the assembly line to flip-flopping and now requiring that all pilots be re-trained in special simulators. It’s estimated that the outlay of expenses for the Max are in the billions. A recent document dump has revealed that Boeing employees knew about the plane’s troubles before it crashed on two occasions, killing hundreds….
Reading Time: 2 minutesThe woman stated her desire to be immersed for the forgiveness of her sins, of course, the many blessings and financial fortunes that God and Joel Osteen promise his followers.
Reading Time: 3 minutesI knocked one star off of this review because i bought the ebook and i cant resell it