Reading Time: 2 minutesChinese citizens have been ordered to stay in their houses and to wear masks, so that they don’t accidentally inhale any of the currency, which could choke and possibly kill them. When too many Chinese currency notes are inhaled, a distressing respiratory illness can occur.
Reading Time: < 1 minuteRancid was poor.
But he taught the best lesson.
Reading Time: < 1 minuteBoeing celebrated it’s Boeing 737-Max being greenhouse-gas free for one year recently, inviting investors to lap up more stocks of the stupendous aircraft company.
Reading Time: < 1 minute“We’re rebooting in safe mode, so that’s why you’re quarantined. Chy-nuh is clever. Any of you could be a virus, we don’t know, we don’t know. All of CNN is infected, they’re fake news.”
Reading Time: 2 minutesJohns Hopkins, which has been using arcgis mapping to provide routine updates to the extent of COVID-19 exposure, said that post welcoming-ceremony data shows that Utah is now in a committed relationship with the world-destroying pathogen.
Reading Time: 2 minutesWe interviewed a local, lonely man via Zoom, to see how social distancing is impacting his mental illness. Mr. Luke Han Necessary, whose last name is apparently not a joke, spoke to us at an almost unbearable length—in excess of 6 minutes.
Reading Time: 3 minutesI am committed to providing friends and scores of would-be female lovers with the epitome of quality in human interaction. Given the ever-shifting situation surrounding COVID-19, I wanted to alert you to some changes that have taken place over the last several days, as well as ones to happen in the weeks to come.
Reading Time: < 1 minuteIt’s estimated that roughly 30% of Montana’s population will die in the next two weeks from delirium tremens (DTs).
Reading Time: 2 minutesStreep says that though the senators have already mastered faking smiles while lying, most of them still have to stab themselves with forks in order to produce a tear over things like the plight of the homeless and people dying by the millions.
Reading Time: < 1 minuteCOVID-19: The Unlikely Cure for Toxic Masculinity?
Reading Time: < 1 minute If Trump gets even one more pick for the Supreme Court, it will be the end of democracy in this country forever, just as it was with justices Gorsuch and Kavanaugh. —Nancy Pelosi
Reading Time: < 1 minuteAt its current lethality level, the CEO of Planned Parenthood described the virus as “laughably JV.”
Reading Time: < 1 minuteThe American president is also curtailing his dalliances with pornstars as an extra effort to limit the spread of the disease.
Reading Time: 3 minutesSometimes crushing people at games gets him so excited that he rips off his shirt while jumping up from the table, which he then flips over while bellowing, “I AM THE ONE-NIGHT ULTIMATE WEREWOLF! I AM! NOT YOU! ARRGGGGHHHHHHWWWWWWWW!!!”
Reading Time: < 1 minute“I can’t promise to maintain the social distancing or whatever, not necessarily. How can I know if she’s the right one if I can’t, I can’t sniff those sweet hairs? Come’ere, honey,” he told the female debate moderator while trying to grab her by the shoulders.
Reading Time: < 1 minuteA staffer for the Biden campaign accidentally removed the child-proofing door-handle cover to his room, and the candidate has subsequently been seen wandering the debate stage in his bubble, hours in advance of the actual curtain time. It’s expected to be his strongest performance of the night.
Reading Time: < 1 minute“My mind is sharper than a, a, you know the thing,” Biden said in a remark in the nation’s capital. “I don’t have any brain problems, I’m fiddle as a fit.”
Reading Time: 2 minutesOffering helpful tips such as, “have a really rotten disposition,” “make dumb, awkward jokes,” and “be sure you’re physically unattractive, or even repulsive, if you can swing that,” he’s done a great deal to curb the spread of the illness.
Reading Time: < 1 minuteSanders received word that he also wouldn’t be getting the journalist job he wanted or the role of head prophet for the DNC after problematic past tweets were discovered.
Reading Time: < 1 minuteWe are seeing a startling rise in the number of infectious-disease specialists; they’re popping up everywhere. Your friends, your family, people who you thought weren’t at risk…one of them will probably specialize in diseases by the end of this briefing.
Reading Time: < 1 minuteThe extroverts, who have always done better at getting things, such as raises and relationships, were furious that they’re somehow better at getting a virulent contagion, too. None of those in attendance could figure out why it might be happening, though several hundred collapsed in the crowd and were unable to contribute their thoughts.
Reading Time: < 1 minuteAt the time of this writing, Biden was seen asking an aide to short shares of Studebaker.
Reading Time: < 1 minuteI for one stand with Bernie Sanders: capitalism needs to buy the farm, or better yet, seize it from the landowner by force.
Reading Time: < 1 minuteJustice Ruth Bader Ginsburg was the sole dissenting vote, writing with cutting disagreement that eliminating daylight savings time will “unfairly impede the ability of inmates to milk cows, pasture sheep, and attend to beaver slides.”
Reading Time: < 1 minuteWhile he seems to have a bit of a stutter, it’s Biden’s “advanced hypermalignant superdementia” that has given the AGS some pause. James Cromwell, the head of the AGS, told reporters in a phone interview,