Sometimes I amuse myself.
Reading Time: 2 minutesI removed an old Willy Wonkish post from the site for a reason. My first idea to make it big! Wowzers! Click on the picture: My friend—well, that’s what I call her—Sarah Eustace Lefore, herself very hot, however, reminded me of the following: I always like it when attractive people remind me of my proper place in this mating game. Yet I feel compelled to quote myself: Anyway, 4 hours…
Reading Time: < 1 minuteLooking to get a Golden Ticket from president Trump in your stimulus check, or wondering why anyone would say such a strange thing? Well that idea used to be here, but the headline was accepted for publication on a satire site, so I’ve removed it! For more information, check this out. If you’d like to see other, goofy things I’ve thought of, you can find them here. Some of them…
Reading Time: 5 minutesWe are entering a time of novel uncertainty. If the economy survives, the below stock and ETF picks may provide gains approaching Amazon in the period of 1998-2018. Some of these will surely be failures, of course. The first section are long-term picks that I believe could be most valuable over a period of 5-20 years. The second section are riskier bets with shorter term speculation, though still relatively long….
Reading Time: 2 minutesPeople say that I’m quite vain; my sister says that it’s surprising given my looks. But that’s not true. I may hold myself in high esteem, but I know that I’d never be able to satisfy a woman whose instagram consists only of pictures of her. That above paragraph is a little bit of humor, and probably objectionable, but there’s some truth to it. I’ve never been the best looking…
Reading Time: < 1 minuteI divested around 80% of my market holdings in mid 2019 as I felt that market internals were flimsy. While I had no “one real worry,” I was concerned that any one unforeseen event could precipitate a rapid decline in valuations. For the past few weeks, I’ve been making quick trades from the recent bottom. I have a separate brokerage in which I’ve invested long-term, and I’m currently in the…
Reading Time: 2 minutes“Courage, integrity, and taking care of each other, those are values that must come last in our nation’s fighting forces. Well, actually, speaking truth to power comes dead last, which this was. So obviously, we’ve dishonorably discharged all of those enlisted mongrels. Their free healthcare is obviously immediately terminated, too,” Modly said.
Reading Time: 2 minutesChinese citizens have been ordered to stay in their houses and to wear masks, so that they don’t accidentally inhale any of the currency, which could choke and possibly kill them. When too many Chinese currency notes are inhaled, a distressing respiratory illness can occur.
Reading Time: < 1 minuteBoeing celebrated it’s Boeing 737-Max being greenhouse-gas free for one year recently, inviting investors to lap up more stocks of the stupendous aircraft company.
Reading Time: < 1 minute“We’re rebooting in safe mode, so that’s why you’re quarantined. Chy-nuh is clever. Any of you could be a virus, we don’t know, we don’t know. All of CNN is infected, they’re fake news.”
Reading Time: 2 minutesJohns Hopkins, which has been using arcgis mapping to provide routine updates to the extent of COVID-19 exposure, said that post welcoming-ceremony data shows that Utah is now in a committed relationship with the world-destroying pathogen.
Reading Time: 2 minutesWe interviewed a local, lonely man via Zoom, to see how social distancing is impacting his mental illness. Mr. Luke Han Necessary, whose last name is apparently not a joke, spoke to us at an almost unbearable length—in excess of 6 minutes.
Reading Time: 3 minutesI am committed to providing friends and scores of would-be female lovers with the epitome of quality in human interaction. Given the ever-shifting situation surrounding COVID-19, I wanted to alert you to some changes that have taken place over the last several days, as well as ones to happen in the weeks to come.
Reading Time: < 1 minuteIt’s estimated that roughly 30% of Montana’s population will die in the next two weeks from delirium tremens (DTs).
Reading Time: 2 minutesStreep says that though the senators have already mastered faking smiles while lying, most of them still have to stab themselves with forks in order to produce a tear over things like the plight of the homeless and people dying by the millions.
Reading Time: < 1 minuteCOVID-19: The Unlikely Cure for Toxic Masculinity?
Reading Time: < 1 minute If Trump gets even one more pick for the Supreme Court, it will be the end of democracy in this country forever, just as it was with justices Gorsuch and Kavanaugh. —Nancy Pelosi
Reading Time: < 1 minuteAt its current lethality level, the CEO of Planned Parenthood described the virus as “laughably JV.”
Reading Time: < 1 minuteThe American president is also curtailing his dalliances with pornstars as an extra effort to limit the spread of the disease.
Reading Time: 3 minutesSometimes crushing people at games gets him so excited that he rips off his shirt while jumping up from the table, which he then flips over while bellowing, “I AM THE ONE-NIGHT ULTIMATE WEREWOLF! I AM! NOT YOU! ARRGGGGHHHHHHWWWWWWWW!!!”
Reading Time: < 1 minuteA staffer for the Biden campaign accidentally removed the child-proofing door-handle cover to his room, and the candidate has subsequently been seen wandering the debate stage in his bubble, hours in advance of the actual curtain time. It’s expected to be his strongest performance of the night.
Reading Time: < 1 minute“My mind is sharper than a, a, you know the thing,” Biden said in a remark in the nation’s capital. “I don’t have any brain problems, I’m fiddle as a fit.”
Reading Time: 2 minutesOffering helpful tips such as, “have a really rotten disposition,” “make dumb, awkward jokes,” and “be sure you’re physically unattractive, or even repulsive, if you can swing that,” he’s done a great deal to curb the spread of the illness.
Reading Time: < 1 minuteSanders received word that he also wouldn’t be getting the journalist job he wanted or the role of head prophet for the DNC after problematic past tweets were discovered.
Reading Time: < 1 minuteWe are seeing a startling rise in the number of infectious-disease specialists; they’re popping up everywhere. Your friends, your family, people who you thought weren’t at risk…one of them will probably specialize in diseases by the end of this briefing.
Reading Time: < 1 minuteThe extroverts, who have always done better at getting things, such as raises and relationships, were furious that they’re somehow better at getting a virulent contagion, too. None of those in attendance could figure out why it might be happening, though several hundred collapsed in the crowd and were unable to contribute their thoughts.