Sometimes I amuse myself.
Reading Time: 2 minutes“Listen up, bucko,” he angrily remarked at the camera. “Who are you and what are you staring at?” An aide was fetched to change his Zoom screen, which he had accidentally set to show his own face.
Reading Time: 2 minutesDr. Fauci warned America of the new, invisible enemy.
Reading Time: 4 minutesWho is Allen “Baby Jones” Jones? The world’s most enviable man.
Reading Time: 2 minutesXi had to pause to take a call from the Secretary of Education and started screaming, “No, no! No school field trip to the friendly, local bat virology lab! No more of those! You stop them!”
Reading Time: < 1 minuteHis posting history reveals that he’s wanted boomers to die for a couple of years, but now it’s out of compassion.
Reading Time: 2 minutesAs of the time of this writing, the Biden campaign has called for anyone who says that they aren’t afraid of coronavirus to be shot dead, so that they know just how dangerous it is.
Reading Time: 2 minutesSeeking enlightenment and relief from comments on his online work, Youtube personality and satire writer Linus Nottham made his way to the remote Himalaya Mountains of India. It’s well known that the only good type of hillbilly is found in India, and having tried all other avenues of assistance for his angst, such as $300/hr secular therapy, MDMA, and demisexual, ethical non-monogamy, Linus felt he had no other option.
Reading Time: 2 minutesThe Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, under guidance from the White House, is now aiming to prevent coronavirus by direct injection.
Reading Time: 2 minutesThe Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recently released an alarming new study. While Americans have always assumed that their country was in good health, a strange, new virus of the brain has led to their being more forms of hepatitis than major political parties in the country!
Reading Time: 4 minutesHerein and forevermore lies the record of Sarah Eustace “Mean Jean” Lefore, or at least my review of her record as a person and friend. I’ll be honest, she struggles at both of those tasks, since she considers “humanity troubling.”
Reading Time: 2 minutesWhen I talk to my friends, we often talk about our families. Our discussions sometimes turn to our parents, and when between two close friends, the truths that come out are interesting. Sometimes my friends have regrets about their own actions. They also ruminate on the foibles of their parents. “Well, you know, my dad has this habit,” or, “My mom was great, but I learned that (X thing) is…
Reading Time: < 1 minuteCoronavirus has now killed more people in the United States than heart disease, obesity, alcohol, vehicle accidents, gun violence, and death. And that’s got progressives worried. Very worried.
Reading Time: 2 minutesRocketing into the sky in his Gulfstream G700 private jet, Pastor Joel Osteen of Lakewood Church began his flyover of the pandemic stricken United States.
Reading Time: 2 minutesIt’s being called the greatest threat to our democracy since Donald Trump destroyed the great institution forevermore in 2016, and specialists don’t know what to do.
Reading Time: 2 minutesA new study authored by British epidemiologist Neil Ferguson (OBE FMedSci) has found shocking, grim results regarding Sweden’s failure to follow strict, government-enforced lockdowns.
Reading Time: < 1 minuteNew York City Mayor Bill de Blasio reacted negatively to the idea of smoking out the virus with small fires, noting that his city is simply having “the police beat anyone who might have it.”
Reading Time: 2 minutes“We banned people from skating. We filled in the park with sand. We’ve done everything to stop the spread of COVID-19 at that dang thing, but just yesterday my roving helicopter patrols caught people using it as a BMX playground.”
Reading Time: 2 minutesMichigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer has mandated the use of government-provided shocks collars for all citizens of her state as a response to the ongoing COVID-19 crisis. Find out when you’ll be receiving your mandatory collar here.
Reading Time: < 1 minuteAfter a grueling process of having to weed out 327,999,998 people better suited to running the most powerful nation in the world, the United States has finally narrowed the field down to the two people most likely to grab a woman by the genitals.
Reading Time: 2 minutesUnited States—Reeling from an economy in free-fall in much the same way that the death count isn’t, Congressional leaders have reached across the aisle to pass a bill which declares every 11th person a domestic terrorist. “We know that gatherings can be no more than 10 people, so that makes every 11th a domestic terrorist,” speaker Pelosi declared. “I certainly don’t want that 11th person showing up at my mansion…
Reading Time: 2 minutesUnited States—The nation’s conservatives are to anxious to get back to being deficit hawks, just as soon as Joe Biden is elected. In a street interview conducted in Mobile, registered Republican Joe Jeffries remarked, “I’ve voted straight R my whole life, ’cause we can’t let that deficit get out of control. Donald Trump, he’s right that we gotta drain the swamp! All Democrats want to do is spend, spend, spend….
Reading Time: 2 minutesI removed an old Willy Wonkish post from the site for a reason. My first idea to make it big! Wowzers! Click on the picture: My friend—well, that’s what I call her—Sarah Eustace Lefore, herself very hot, however, reminded me of the following: I always like it when attractive people remind me of my proper place in this mating game. Yet I feel compelled to quote myself: Anyway, 4 hours…
Reading Time: < 1 minuteLooking to get a Golden Ticket from president Trump in your stimulus check, or wondering why anyone would say such a strange thing? Well that idea used to be here, but the headline was accepted for publication on a satire site, so I’ve removed it! For more information, check this out. If you’d like to see other, goofy things I’ve thought of, you can find them here. Some of them…
Reading Time: 5 minutesWe are entering a time of novel uncertainty. If the economy survives, the below stock and ETF picks may provide gains approaching Amazon in the period of 1998-2018. Some of these will surely be failures, of course. The first section are long-term picks that I believe could be most valuable over a period of 5-20 years. The second section are riskier bets with shorter term speculation, though still relatively long….
Reading Time: 2 minutesPeople say that I’m quite vain; my sister says that it’s surprising given my looks. But that’s not true. I may hold myself in high esteem, but I know that I’d never be able to satisfy a woman whose instagram consists only of pictures of her. That above paragraph is a little bit of humor, and probably objectionable, but there’s some truth to it. I’ve never been the best looking…